Orthodox Jewish Wedding Essay

Marriage is regularly a service done in houses of worship, in government premises, or in present day ones like sea shores and gardens. It is typically done as an indication of affection between two individuals. Marriage used to be an exceptionally sacrosanct function as two individuals express their pledges to one another. Various societies do this in various habits. In this paper, we will find how the Orthodox Jewish wedding is finished. This would demonstrate the decent variety of societies on the planet and how the Jewish people group does their conventions and conviction. This is partitioned into three sections that incorporate the arrangements done before the wedding, the set up days before the wedding and the wedding appropriate. At the point when two individuals begin to look all starry eyed at, what they need to wind up for the most part is a lady and a man of the hour or a spouse and a wife. In spite of the fact that it is modified by some different reasons in the cutting edge times, the possibility of marriage is as yet thought to be consecrated by the vast majority of us. In spite of the fact that financial status, wellbeing, line and different things influence the people’s see on marriage, we despite everything can't remove the way that the individuals who get hitched consistently request an upbeat life. Whatever reason they may have, the primary concern is as yet that they are scanning for happiness in any capacity. A Jewish wedding day, the equivalent with every single other religion, is something that they truly celebrate. Various types of ceremonies happen a long time previously and during this day, in light of their history and legacy. When the couple gets ready for marriage, ceremonies as of now happen. It remembers breaking a plate to speak to the sanctuaries for Jerusalem that were destructed. It is to imply that regardless of whether they are appreciating in the festival of the wedding, they are still disheartened with the way that these sanctuaries were wrecked previously. It is additionally normal for the guardians to do the course of action of the wedding, with the assistance of somebody like a relational arranger called Yenta. In spite of the fact that this is along these lines, the lucky man is as yet required to approach the bride’s father for her hand in marriage and to pay an endowment in return of the lady of the hour (Retrieved on December 11, 2008 from http://www. bbc. co. uk/religion/religions/judaism/ceremonies/weddings_1. shtml). Judaism considers this to be as holy. They feel that without a man and a lady, each of the genders will never be finished. They supplement one another and each remunerates what the different loses. They additionally educate in their precepts that any individual without getting hitched doesn’t experience the total delight and satisfaction in this life. It implies that being hitched offers fulfillment to individuals, particularly when they are honored by God. When alluding to marriage, they for the most part utilize the term â€Å"sanctification† which ordinarily alludes to the otherworldliness of the bond that ties two individuals and of the instruction made by God. They likewise consider it to be something that has a reason. They see marriage as a perquisite to propagation and companionship. It is both multiplication and friendship. In the book of scriptures, as they accept, â€Å"It isn't useful for a man to be alone†. It is likewise an act of each person’s legitimate rights through a legally binding understanding where they sign on. Despite the fact that there were times when the Jews were scattered everywhere throughout the world, they are as yet effective in protecting this training as they live. This is most likely in light of the fact that they truly put stock in the training, on the grounds that through it, history demonstrates that families remained steady and cheerful when they experienced a similar sort of marriage . Jewish weddings are nearly the equivalent. They are made simpler by the Rabbis by requesting an exceptionally negligible necessity. The Rabbis is the person who makes the laws in this sort of custom (Retrieved on December 11, 2008 from http://www. confetti. co. uk/article/see/5054-7598-0-). Marriage in the Orthodox Jewish is a lot of loaded with conventions that show practice and commitment. In arranging their weddings, everything about significant. They accept the arrangement as a test of their ability and a test to praise the wedding effectively. They give an excessive amount of consideration to all the necessities of the function that makes each wedding an ideal one. The Orthodox Jews are accepted to be the strictest among the strands of the Jewish confidence. Their wedding service is finished by joining the lawful and strict parts of marriage. In the event that one of the couple is non-Jewish, the person is approached to change over to a similar religion. They accept that satisfaction can't be accomplished on the off chance that they don’t experience marriage, which is a permit to satisfaction on the planet. Likewise, it is said that when they get hitched, they don’t simply center around material and worldly components of the readiness, yet they additionally guarantee that their teachings are appropriately done and that their otherworldly and good readiness is encompassed on the marriage itself. It just demonstrates that in spite of the fact that their marriage is after a decent life on earth, they despite everything put in more thought the powerful and their religion in essence (Retrieved on December 11, 2008 from http://www. confetti. co. uk/article/see/5054-7598-0-). Arranging an Orthodox Jewish wedding is dreary. They should think about a ton of things for them to have the option to concoct an effective one. The vast majority of the Jewish couple gives an organizer that would make it simpler for them to see sequentially their arrangements and the points of interest of the service. Through that, they will have the option to get sorted out and productive in the arranging of the headliner. The date of the wedding is normally known after they as of now register with a gathering place and Rabbi at the Chief Rabbi’s office. The time and the day itself are likewise focused on in arranging a wedding. It is normal to wed toward the evening or at night, yet you can likewise wed whenever of the day as indicated by what the couple wants. The vast majority of them, in any case, decide to wed on days like Sunday and Tuesday. It is likewise not permitted to do the wedding three weeks among July and August and on the Sabbath of celebration days (Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Passover Shavuot, and Sukkoth). On the off chance that, they need to get hitched on a Saturday, they restrict doing the service sooner than two hours before the sun is down (Retrieved on December 11, 2008 from http://www. onfetti. co. uk/article/see/5054-7598-0-). As a rule, the principal activity in arranging it is to pick a date that the two of them need. They for the most part pick exceptional days like the birth or the passing of their rabbis to make a progressively significant festival. Like others getting hitched, they pick a date that implies something to them or a date that is huge in their relationship. They likewise should determine a spot or a setting which has enough space for moving and a wide region where you can put a divider to isolate people for modesty’s purpose. They are a lot of specific with unobtrusiveness which they can demonstrate by isolating individuals of various genders during the wedding function. They should likewise pick a rabbi to manage the wedding service and a sofer or a Jewish copyist to assume responsibility for the Ketuba or the marriage contract. From that point onward, they should educate their family members and companions regarding the wedding and welcome them to go to on it. Participants on this sort of training matters a great deal to the couple on the grounds that the wedding would not mean anything at all without the nearness of a particular number of individuals. When they affirm their participation, they would already be able to educate the cook about the estimated number of guests. This is typically done to keep away from problems to the two groups of the man of the hour and the lady of the hour and to guarantee that everybody eats enough as they commend that most significant piece of their couple life. From that point forward, they should advise those individuals who are partaking in the wedding to dress in like manner. This is additionally an indication of regard to the training. The female ones must utilize garments covering the knees and the arms to the elbows, while the wedded ones must cover their air. Men must wear yarmulkes. The couple must make the wedding shelter from a material that is velvet or from a supplication cloak. This is to imply the mists that helped Jews with everything when they were in the desert. They should ensure that they have the dress, rings without anything engraved in them, and different things. The lady must ensure she has a shroud thicker than the others’ to wear it on the big day. From that, they should discover a timetable to do the veiling custom earlier the wedding function. It is said that such a training represents the scriptural story that occurred among Jacob and Rachel, when they intended to get hitched. They should relegate seven men to absolute the expressions of favors with a wine. Ultimately, they should make sure about a space for the couple where they can spend on after the wedding legitimate. They are relied upon to remain there before they eat and get to know each other alone for a specific period (Retrieved on December 11, 2008 from http://www. ehow. com/how_2077192_plan-customary jewish-wedding. html). The wedding greeting is generally two sided and has an English interpretation at the correct side. It doesn't request the person’s nearness, rather it is asking individuals to â€Å"dance at† or â€Å"share in the delight of†. In this sort of custom, guests are significant, in light of the fact that they assume a fundamental job all the while. The duplicates of the greeting might be dispersed and might be given by the couple or both of their folks. Now and again, the greeting additionally incorporates scriptural statements to clarify individuals why such thing is done or to additionally expound the significance of each piece of the program (Retrieved on December 11, 2008 from http://www. weddingdetails. com/legend/jewish. cfm). The entirety of the visitors are furnished with duplicate of the program for them to know precisely what part they are in during the wedding appropriate. It might likewise incorporate some Ketuba messages, the vendors’ names, a note originating from the marriage couple and a few clarifications of the various components of the service. This is likewise done to stay away from superfluous clamors when they ask others for what valid reason a dad

Reflection essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 750 words - 12

Reflection - Essay Example In this paper I will examine that grounds learning is significant for understudies when contrasted with web based learning, while at the same time keeping in see my own understanding of school grounds. At the point when I joined my school, I met numerous different understudies; and along these lines, began associating with my friends, which is a basic piece of character improvement. My character has prepared significantly after I have joined my school. I know this when I contrast myself with when I was in school. I accept that in grounds learning, undergrads come to realize how to carry on in homerooms; how to demonstrate regard to instructors; how to manage friends; and, how to show discipline while learning. This mingling is gainful for them in both short and long terms since they figure out how to manage life and its issues and how to adapt to connections. I figured out how to speak with my instructors and companions, which profited me in my own life too. Subsequently, grounds learning shows viable relationship the board which can't be learned through internet learning. Grounds learning causes understudies to follow the cutoff times in a superior manner, and they figure out how to follow a set routine example for their investigations. At the point when I joined school, one of my companions, who is an online understudy, persuaded me that school grounds condition is exceptionally severe and causes the understudy to follow the timetables persuasively. Notwithstanding, my experience has been unique. I have had the option to set my daily schedule in an extremely successful way. Web based learning doesn't furnish the understudies with these chances, since they will in general be loose since they don't need to stand up to teacher’s comments and class fellows’ comments’ in the event that they don't fulfill a time constraint or are not spruced up perfectly, and etcetera. Consequently, grounds learning shows discipline in a greatly improved manner. I have figured out how to spruce up conveniently, how to pass on my thoughts vis-à-vis, an d how to carry on in gatherings and groups. I would never have learnt

Buddhism’s Impact on Classical China Essay

The ubiquity of Buddhism in China c. 220 CE was because of its positive gathering in the enormous worker class. Nonetheless; rulers and nobles wound up compromised by the casual Buddhist lessons that subverted the authority of the expert Confucian government and debilitated worker hard working attitude. Despite the fact that the counter Buddhist assessments of high-positioning authorities in the third sixth hundreds of years of China ought to be thought about, a worker composed record featuring the advantages of Buddhism rather than the guarded perspectives taken by rulers and nobles would be useful in breaking down the genuine degree of Buddhism’s fame in China. Around 350 CE, a period of unsteadiness in China, laborers discovered solace in the lessons of Buddhism, which dissimilar to Confucianism offered a the great beyond the undermined workers could anticipate. This prompted numerous transformations from Confucianism to Buddhism, which stressed rulers; lost mainstream thinking in the state-upheld religion might subvert the administration and result in lost force for some administrators. Han Yu, a court official in 819 CE, alludes to the spread of this underhanded â€Å"cult† from India and over and again squeezes that Buddhism be killed in China (Doc 4). The Tang head Wu, composing during generally a similar period, (845 CE), reflects the assessment of Han Yu. He talks about Buddhism contrarily, refering to the careless hard working attitude of Buddhists, and like Han Yu, he requires the evacuating of Buddhism from China (Doc 6). Be that as it may; behind both these officials’ passionate words is a dread that the promotion of Buddhism would change the administration structure, which would cause loss of their status. They composed their proclamations to change the psyches of laborers who were thinking about changing over to this â€Å"cult† on the grounds that maybe on the off chance that they persuaded enough to stay Confucian, they would keep their high-positioning positions. Buddhism increased quite a bit of its prominence during the wild time from 350-570 CE. This is when ace Buddhist researchers started showing up in more prominent numbers. One such researcher, Zhi Dun, distinguished Buddhism as a methods for traversing attempting times. Around 350 CE, the start of the unstableâ period, Zhi composed a letter depicting the miracle of existence in the wake of death guaranteed by Buddha. He composed this to comfort the a huge number of frightful and profoundly denied Confucian Chinese, who needed faith in an existence in the wake of death. Their demise was a developing chance, since they were being butchered by attacking Mongols. Zhi wished to illuminate them regarding the elective the great beyond guaranteed through Buddhism; â€Å"Nirvana† (Doc 2). Similar lessons Zhi was tending to the Chinese working class had just been talked by the Buddha himself to the Indian individuals numerous hundreds of years before c. 563 BCE. The primary message Buddha gave talked about Noble Truths, which could stop distress and desiring (Doc 1). One can perceive any reason why these thoughts, epitomized by Buddhism would be well known among a poor Chinese proletariat, similarly as they had been in India. In spite of the fact that the general impression from Chinese authorities and researchers towards Buddhism is negative, there were a couple of errors; Chinese researchers who supported Buddha’s lessons. A Chinese researcher composed decidedly in 500 CE of the Buddha in contrast with Confucius, expressing â€Å"To contrast the sages with the Buddha would resemble contrasting a white deer with a unicorn†¦Ã¢â‚¬  (Doc 3). Besides, around 800 CE, after the time of precariousness, a researcher supported by the Tang supreme family unit composed an article on the idea of man, expressing strikingly that â€Å"Confucius, Laozi, and the Buddha were all ideal sages,† (Doc 5). This report features that once the period of flimsiness had passed and Confucianism was again the prevailing religion, rulers and their court researchers could assess Buddhism as a religion without dreadful bias. Taking everything into account, truly, the spread of Buddhism into China was respected adversely by the decision, high-positioning, and noble class. China was immersed with against Buddhist purposeful publicity (appeared by the reports) in light of the prevalence among most of the working class, which made up the main part of the Chinese populace. This purposeful publicity was regularly against Buddhist since it was the upper/educated class who was composing it; therefore it was inclined towards their own negative perspectives on Buddhism. A report composed by an extremely poor or laborer researcher with respect to their perspective on Buddhism would make a progressively complete image of how it was truly gotten in China.

Analysis of of Quercetin in Camellia Sinensis Extracts

Examination of Quercetin in Camellia Sinensis Extracts Theoretical An exact and doable switched stage elite fluid chromatographic (RP-HPLC) strategy for the novel investigation of Quercetin in watery and alcoholic concentrates of Camellia sinensis extricates with inside standard has been created. The examination was completed on a Phenomenax-C18 segment (250 Ãâ€"4.6mm, 5î ¼m). turned around stage section, utilizing a blend of acetonitrile and 0.1% orthophosphoric corrosive in water at 60:40 proportion as the versatile stage; Propyl paraben was utilized as the inner norm. The linearity scope of the Quercetin was seen as in 1-25  µg/ml and the maintenance times were seen as 3.3 and 5.6 min for Quercetin and Propyl paraben individually. The precision was acceptable and recuperation esteems for Quercetin ran from 100 to 102% individually. The proposed novel strategy is exact and attainable for the assurance of Quercetin with interior standard in a short scientific runtime. The strategy is by all accounts appropriate for routine examination in qualit y control labs and research establishments. Catchphrases: Quercetin, HPLC, Propyl paraben, Validation. Presentation Quercetin (Fig. 1) synthetically 2-(3,4-dihydroxyphenyl)- 3,5,7-trihydroxy-4H-chromen-4-one is a plant color (flavonoid) found in numerous plants and nourishments, for example, red wine, onions, green tea, apples, berries, Ginkgo biloba. It is utilized for treating states of theâ heartâ andâ bloodâ vessels including â€Å"hardening of theâ arteries† (atherosclerosis),â high cholesterol,â heart illness, and course issues (1-3). It is likewise used to treat inflammation,â asthma,â gout,â viral infections,â chronic fatigueâ syndrome (CFS), preventingâ cancer, and for treating interminable contaminations of theâ prostate (4-7). Quercetin is likewise used to expand continuance and improve athletic execution. Tooth rot is most basic irresistible oral illness that burdens 95% of the people. The flavonoids Quercetin found in green tea can stop the development of dental plaques and tooth rot. Fig.1 : Chemical structure of Quercetin Some diagnostic techniques were produced for investigation of quercetin by spectrophotometric (8-10), HPLC (11-13), HPTLC (14-16), electrochemical identification (17). Disregarding its wide practical significance, a quick and proficient technique forits distinguishing proof and evaluation is essential. As far as we could possibly know, there is no distributed strategy for the assurance of quercetin in Camellia sinensis extricates with propyl paraben as interior norm. The point of the current examination was to build up a fast, conservative, exact and precise turned around stage HPLC technique for measuring quercetin in fluid and alcoholic concentrates of Camellia sinensis. Materials and Methods Acetonitrile (HPLC grade, MERCK), Water (HPLC grade, Thomas Baker) and orthophosphoric corrosive (HPLC grade), Quercetin and Propyl paraben are secured from neighborhood systematic research facilities. Instrumentation and chromatographic conditions HPLC is a chromatographic method used to isolate a blend of mixes in investigative science and natural chemistry to distinguish, measuring sanitizing the individual segments of the blend. The framework comprised of UFLC-Shimadzu make LC-20AD with PDA locator. The information acquisitionwas performed by LC arrangements programming. The chromatographic partition was accomplished on Phenomenax-C18 section (250 Ãâ€"4.6mm, 5î ¼m) segment. The elution was isocratic with versatile period of 0.1% orthophosphoric corrosive in water and acetonitrile (60:40, v/v). The stream rate was 1.0 mL/min and yielded a backpressure of around 57 bar. The section temperature was kept up at 40 °C, the recognition was observed at a frequency of 262 nm and infusion volume was 10  µL. UFLC is appropriate for partition of Quercetin with propyl paraben as interior norm. The chromatographic conditions are appeared in Table 1. Table 1: The chromatographic states of the created technique Plant material (Camellia sinensis) Dried leaves of Camellia sinensis i.e Green tea are gathered from Doddabetta Tea Factory, Ooty, Tamilnadu and distinguished by Dr. K. Mruthunjaya, Asst. Teacher, Department of Pharmacognosy, JSSCP, Mysore. The acquired leaves were utilized for the planning of alcoholic and watery concentrate. Extraction Methodology: Alcoholic Extract of Camellia sinensis Alcoholic concentrate was set up by hot reflux extraction technique on a water shower temperature kept up at 78 °C for 2 hours. The dried coarsely powdered leaves of Camellia sinensis (550g) were extricated in 3 bunches (150g each). The acquired concentrate was separated and dissolvable was refined out up to required fixation and joined concentrate was splash dried to get alcoholic concentrate of Camellia sinensis and put away in a dessicator. Fluid Extract of Camellia sinensis Fluid concentrate was set up by hot reflux extraction technique on a water shower temperature kept up at 80 °C for 2 hours. The dried coarsely powdered leaves of Camellia sinensis (550g) were removed in 3 bunches (150g each). The acquired concentrate was separated and dissolvable was refined out up to required fixation and consolidated concentrate was shower dried to get watery concentrate of Camellia sinensis and put away in a dessicator. Drying of Extract: Arranged concentrates were dried utilizing Spray dryer. Parameters kept up for Spray drying are Inlet temperature kept up at 70-80 °C, Outlet temperature kept up at 50-60 °C, desire rate 1200 rpm for each min, feed siphon 2ml per min separately. Arrangement OF SOLUTIONS Arrangement of portable stage The substance of the portable stage was set up from Acetonitrile, separated and degassed blend of and water and orthophosphoric corrosive in the proportion of 60:40 v/v. Arrangement of standard arrangements Around 10 mg of unadulterated guidelines of Quercetin and Propyl paraben were precisely gauged and broken up independently in two 10 mL standard carafe and disintegrated in methanol to get standard stock arrangements of centralization of 1 mg/mL (1000  µg/mL). From the readied stock arrangement a halfway stock arrangement was readied which contains 100  µg/mL of Quercetin. From this middle of the road stock arrangement sequential weakenings were made to get last convergences of the arrangements in the scope of 1, 5, 10, 15, 20 and 25  µg/mL of Quercetin. Propyl paraben arrangement was made to a convergence of 25â µg/mL and utilized as an inside standard all through the strategy. Arrangement of Camellia sinensis removes test arrangements 100 mg of concentrate test was gauged and moved in to 10ml volumetric carafe and disintegrated in a blend of 5ml of 6M HCl and 5ml of portable stage and sonicated for 15min. The acquired arrangement was separated through a 0.45  µ pore size channel into a HPLC vial and stacked to the instrument. Strategy improvement and enhancement The chromatographic conditions were advanced by changing the versatile stage structures; support utilized in the portable stage segment stationaryphase and natural dissolvable. At last a blend of 0.1% orthophosphoric corrosive in water, acetonitrile and C18 segment were utilized. A commonplace chromatogram acquired by utilizing the previously mentioned versatile stage and segment are appeared in fig. 2 of clear chromatogram and standard medication quercetin chromatogram is delineated in Fig. 3. Technique approval At the point when a strategy has been improved it must be validatedbefore placed into viable use. By following the ICH guidelinesfor scientific strategy approval e Q2 (R1), the framework reasonableness Test was performed and the approval attributes elinearity, exactness, accuracy, particularity, cutoff points of detectionand quantitation were tended to. Readiness of adjustment bend Aliquots of quercetin (containing 10-250  µg/ml) were pipetted into arrangement of 10ml volumetric jar from 100â µg/ml of stock arrangement followed by expansion of propyl paraben containing 250â µg/ml and made up to 10ml with HPLC grade methanol to get the last groupings of 1, 5, 10, 15, 20 and 25  µg/ml of quercetin and 25â µg/ml of propyl paraben arrangements were readied. The reactions were estimated at 262 nm. The adjustment bend was set up by plotting the pinnacle regions of Quercetin versus their fixations. Measure Procedure The section was equilibrated for at any rate 30 min, with the versatile stage moving through the framework with a stream pace of 1ml/min. Identifier was set at a frequency of 262 nm. Two arrangements of the example arrangements were readied containing fluid and ethanolic extricates with portable stage blend. The maintenance time of Quercetin and Propyl paraben in mass medication in two repeat tests were seen as 3.3 and 5.6 mins. The pinnacle region of the Quercetin in test was acquired and the relapse condition of the medication focus over the pinnacle territories was determined. The RP-HPLC strategy was utilized to evaluate the measure of Quercetin in fluid, ethanolic concentrates of Camellia sinensis. The average chromatograms of alcoholic and watery concentrates are appeared in fig. 4 and 5 separately. It is discovered that heavy drinker and fluid concentrate contains 7.35  µg and 4.31  µg per 100 grams of the concentrate separately. Framework appropriateness The framework appropriateness test guarantees the legitimacy of the analyticalprocedure just as affirms the goals betweendifferent pinnacles of intrigue. An information from six infusions ofstandard arrangements were used for computing framework reasonableness parameters like %RSD (0.19), following element (1.2), hypothetical plates (10728) and goals (7.8). Linearity and range To evaluate the linearity, alignment plots of quercetin in every weakening were developed in the focus run 1-25â µg/mL the relationship coefficients of quercetin was 0.9998 separately. Exactness and accuracy The exactness and accuracy of the created technique was assessed and results are communicated as percent recuperations 99.3 - 101.7%. The exactness investigation of intra-day and interday relative standard deviation was under 2%,

101 Rhetoric Review and Self-Segregation Professor Ramos Blog

101 Rhetoric Review and Self-Segregation Talk Review Talk Review In little gatherings structure and shading a banner with your clarification, definition, and models forâ your term. Talk Ethos Logos Feeling Contention/Persuasion Paradox Why America is Self-Segregating danah boyd In little gatherings, spread your area and make sense of the primary concerns, models, takeaways, need to knows. Introduction 219 Privatizing the Military 221 A Self-Segregated Life 223 Decent variety is Hard 225 You will have six minutes to make sense of the primary concerns. Pick a copyist, and a moderator. Review the focuses on the board. The moderator will have 2 minutes to clarify the primary concerns.

25 Funn? W??? to Say No (That Are Effective and Respectful)

25 Funn? W??? to Say No (That Are Effective and Respectful) Lif? is r??ll? ???l. W? g? ?ut ?f ?ur w??? t? h?l? others, ??m?tim??, ??m?l?t? ?tr?ng?r?.W? do things f?r others th?t we r??ll? d?n’t w?nt t?.Wh??Ju?t cause w? are nice!“H?? John, could you help m? watch my d?g!”(Th?t w??n’t r??ll? a ?u??ti?n, more lik? J?hn watch m? dog). John hates dogs but b???u?? h?’? r??ll? a ni?? guy, ?nd she’s a really pretty l?d?, John ???? “Sur?”, wh?n wh?t h? r??ll? wanted t? ??? w?? “h?ll no”.W? ?r? in tim?? th?t ?r? b?th blessed and ?ur??d with zilli?n? ?f invit?ti?n? ?nd r??u??t? from friends, family ?nd ?v?n ?tr?ng?r?.H?r? are ??m? other ?x?m?l??: C?n ??u m??t m? for ??ff?? t? h?l? me with my b??k proposal? Will ??u bring a snack t? th? 8th grade ??rt? ?n December 19th? Are you ??ming t? our h?u??w?rming ??rt?? C?n ??u h?l? with m? ??n’? ??ll?g? ???li??ti?n?? D? ??u w?nt to take the kid? t? ??? “Th? Nutcracker” thi? ???r?As mu?h ?? ??u w?uld lik? t? d? ?ll ?f these thing?, you r??ll? ??n’t.When one takes ?n everything th?t ?? m?? his ?r h?r w??, you find th?t ??u start ?t??ing u? late in ?rd?r t? g?t ?v?r?thing done.Th?t might b? good f?r them, but d?finit?l? n?t g??d f?r you and your health.S? Wh? Do W? S?? Y?? So Oft?n When What We R??ll? W?nt T? ??? I? N??P?rt ?f it is that w? ?r? programmed t?. It g??? b??k to our ?hildh??d. Wh?n Mama asked us to d? something, w? were t?ught to ??? ???.L?t?r, our fri?nd? ??k?d us to j?in them, ?nd if ??u w?nt?d t? be lik?d in f?urth gr?d?, you said “?ur?” and r?n t? play ?n th? m?nk?? b?r? with the kids wh? invit?d you.F??t-f?rw?rd fift??n ???r?, and we’re ???ing ??? t? every r??u??t ?t ?ur n?w j?b b???u?? w? w?nt to b? a t??m player, ?ttr??t th? attention of th? boss, ?nd expand our ?kill ??t.S??i?ll?, w? ??? yes b???u?? we d?n’t want t? let people d?wn and ??m?tim?? b???u?? w? feel tr????d. We f??l b?d th?t w?’r? not h?l?ing wh?n P?tt? th? PTA N?zi ???ur?? u? everyone ?l?? i? ?it?hing in th?ir time, m?n??, t?l?nt?, l?b?ur, ?r wh?t?v?r th? ???? m?? b?.We ? l?? ??? ??? b???u?? it’? ???i?r than ???ing n?, and w?’d rather d??l with ?ur n?g?tiv? feelings th?n ?th?r people’s nagging ??mm?nt?, judging ?t?r??, and ????ibl? gossip if w? ??? n? t? th?ir request.S?, are w? d??m?d t? a lif? as ??? m?n or women? I? th?r? a way w? ??n nicely ??? n? with?ut f??ling guilt? ?r g?ining the r??ut?ti?n of “grum?? G?rtrud?” ?r “n?-h?l? Tom”?THR?? W??? TO S?? N? NICELY WITH?UT FEELING GUILT?! Sin?? ???ing No t? ?th?r? i? m??tl? diffi?ult b???u?? of th? guilt th?t ??m?? with it, h?r? ?r? a few w??? to ??? no, whilst m?king sure ??u are n?t f??ling guilt? ?b?ut th? NO ?n?w?r ??u ju?t gave.On? ?ui?k ?x?m?l?, im?gin? ??ur best fri?nd i? in th? h???it?l, ?nd ??u want t? g? vi?it h?r and P?tt? ??ur n?ighb?ur ??k? ??u t? w?t?h h?r d?g for a whil?, ?? ?h? could t?k? a well deserved nap.I don’t think saying NO in thi? situation w?uld ??m? with any f?rm of guilt.In fact, it ?h?uld ??m? with ??m? ?ng?r ?nd ?r?b?bl?, P?tt? w?uld b? the ?n? f??ling gui lty for ?v?n ??king.I. B? Tru? t? Y?ur??lf, Y?ur C?nvi?ti?n?, and Y?ur Priorities. It Elimin?t?? th? GuiltFirst, let’s d??l with the whole guilt thing. We feel guilt? ???ing n? when we d?n’t h?v? a firm gr??? ?n ?ur ?ri?riti?? ?nd ??nvi?ti?n?.Ar? ??u ??mmitt?d to ???nding ?v?ning? with ??ur f?mil??Th?n ??u need to say no wh?n ??k?d t? j?in the ??mmitt?? th?t m??t? ?v?r? Thur?d?? ?v?ning â€" ?????i?ll? ?in?? ??u’r? already g?n? Tuesday ?v?ning? for something ?l??, ?nd ??u ?ft?n h?v? to w?rk l?t? on M?nd???.Ar? you committed t? writing down the three things ??u n??d to do today so th?t ?t th? ?nd ?f th? day you ??n l??k b??k and kn?w that “I ????m?li?h?d wh?t I n??d?d to do”?Then ??u really can’t babysit littl? Timmy ?nd S?ll? even th?ugh th?ir m?m i? in a bind.If you d?, you’ve n?t kept ??ur ?r?mi?? t? yourself. And k???ing promises to yourself i? ??m?thing ??u n??d t? d?. It’? u?u?ll? as im??rt?nt as k???ing th? ?n?? w? make to ?th?r?.Are ??u committed to ??ur n?w ?x ?r?i?? ?nd diet plan?Th?n you n??d t? say n? t? going out with fri?nd? after work b???u?? ??u w?n’t make it t? th? g?m that night.Also, unl??? ??u h?v? the f?rtitud? of a N?v? S??l, ??u’r? going t? eat ??m?thing ??u ?h?uldn’t, or ??u’r? g?ing to sit there f??ling miserable drinking your w?t?r with lime whil? everyone else i? mun?hing on a feast of tapas d?light?.Plus, your ??rt ?f th? tab is g?ing t? b? $30 ?r m?r?, ?nd that doesn’t line u? at ?ll with your goal ?f n?t spending ?? much money on r??t?ur?nt f??d thi? ???r.Wh?n we und?r?t?nd that saying ??? m??n? w? would be ?t?nding on ?l?titud??, but ???ing n? means w?’r? ?t??ing tru? to our priorities ?nd ??nvi?ti?n?, n? b???m?? a lot ???i?r to say, and guilt g??? ?ut the wind?w b???u?? w? r??liz? it’s th? right decision.A? ??m??n? ?n?? ??id, “If ??u’r? ?n g??d t?rm? with yourself, ??u’r? ?n g??d terms with ?th?r?.”That’s ?n? r????n it’s im??rt?nt to ?t?? tru? to your ??nvi?ti?n?; h?w?v?r, there i? a fin? l ine b?tw??n f?ll?wing your convictions ?nd u?ing them ?? an ?x?u?? t? b? ??lf-f??u??d to th? ??int ?f being n? earthly g??d.D?n’t turn down ?v?r? request ?r ????rtunit?.A lot i? g?in?d by ???ing ???. Y?u m??t n?w people, ??u expand your skills, you ?tr?t?h yourself, ?nd ??u giv? your “nice” muscles a g??d w?rk?ut.Al??, if ??m??n? needs h?l?, true help, I think ??u w?nt t? b? th? type ?f ??r??n others kn?w they ??n ??unt ?n.II. S?? No nicely, this w??, ??u w?uldn’t fell ?? guilt?.Think f?r a m?m?nt before giving ??ur ?n?w?r. Y?u n??d to w?igh ??ur ?n?w?r with your ??nvi?ti?n? and ?ri?riti??.Y?u ?l?? d?n’t w?nt to answer so f??t th?t it’? ?bvi?u? th?t n? matter wh?t th? person(s) would ?v?r ??k ??u, ??ur answer would be n?.An?w?ring in a flash will tr?m?l? th?ir ?g? and m?k? it ???m like your n? i? more ?b?ut them ?nd not ?? much ?b?ut th?ir request.While ??u’r? thinking, ??n?id?r your ??nvi?ti?n? and ?ri?riti??, ?nd th?n either ??? ??? or n?.If ??u kn?w wh?t your ?n?w?r i? g?ing to b?, giv? it wh?n ??u’r? asked. D?n’t t?ll them th?t ??u’ll g?t b??k t? them ju?t t? ?ut ?ff saying no.If you’re considering ???ing yes but ??u n??d t? ?h??k ?n ??m?thing fir?t, t?ll th?m th?t ?nd l?t them kn?w wh?n they ??n ?x???t ??ur ?n?w?r.Replying with a firm ?n?w?r within a d?? is the G?ld St?nd?rd.D?n’t wim? out ?nd be v?gu? with your answer t? ?v?id hurting their f??ling?. It raises false h??? f?r th?m, makes you ???m ind??i?iv?, and ?l?w? d?wn th?ir ?r????? of d?t?rmining who is g?ing t? b? h?l?ing.D?n’t ??? thing? th?t ??nd mixed messages lik?, “I b?tt?r n?t, but I want t? b? h?l?ful.”K??? ??ur answers ?h?rt ?nd ?w??t.S??ing n? m?k?? a l?t of us n?rv?u?, ?nd wh?n we’re nervous, w? k??? talking, and talking, ?nd talking. W? ??n’t d? that in thi? ????. It will m?k? it worse.W?’ll dig ?ur own v?rb?l graves ?nd somehow, ??m?w??, w?’ll m?n?g? to ???id?nt?ll? twi?t ?ur n? int? a yes.If ??u ??n give the r??l r????n ??u’r? unable to help (and if it w?n’t hurt th?ir f??ling?), it’? kind t? let them know.Here’s ??ur five-part f?rmul? f?r ???ing n? with?ut th? guilt that ?ll?g?dl? comes with it:St?rt with a ??m?lim?nt if ?n? fit? th? situation.Give your ?n?w?r.Say thank ??u.Encourage th? ??r??n.Ch?ng? th? ?ubj??t or ?x?u?? ??ur??lf (V?r? im??rt?nt).All th? w?? thr?ugh from step ?n? t? fiv? … keep ??ur d?m??n?ur light, and, of ??ur??, smile. A smile says “N? h?rd f??ling?.”A G?n?r?l Example:“Y?u’r? so kind to think ?f m? t? help ?ut with th? fund raising f?r the kid’? ??h??l, Yvonne. Daniel and I ?gr??d th?t w?’r? each only ??mmitting t? ?n? ??tivit? thi? year in ?rd?r to ???nd more tim? with th? kids and ?n our marriage. I’ve already started my new blog. Thank you f?r ??king. I kn?w ??u’ll pull t?g?th?r a gr??t gr?u?. S? h?w ?r? th? kids d?ing th??? d????”H?r?’? ?n Ex?m?l? for When a C?-w?rk?r W?nt? You t? D? S?m?thing:“Y?u w?r? kind t? think ?f me as ??m??n? ??u feel i? a g??d fit to h?l? ??u, Chri?. I’m not able t? now b???u?? th? third ?u?rt?r ?r?j??ti?n reports need my full attention ?nd will for the n?xt f?ur or fiv? days. Th?nk? th?ugh, and I know ??u’ll g?t ?v?r?thing d?n? in g??d ?rd?r. You ?lw??? do. I think w?’r? ?ll f??ling und?r pressure with th? deadlines ?? ?l???.”Here’s an Example f?r Wh?n S?m??n? Drops B? ?nd Y?u’r? Bu?? ?r Ju?t Don’t Want t? Ent?rt?in An??n?:G??d m?nn?r? don’t mean ??u h?v? t? welcome uninvit?d vi?it?r? into ??ur h?m?. Wh?n you g? t? th? door, tr? ???ing something lik?: “H?ll?, K?r?n! I lik? ??ur n??kl???. (Note: Only ??m?lim?nt h?r necklace if ??u trul? like it.) I’m ??rr? I ??n’t invite ??u in n?w. I h?v? ?th?r thing? th?t n??d m? attention. (Note: In thi? ???? the thing th?t n??d? ??ur ?tt?nti?n i? the n?v?l ??u’r? r??ding. You’re ju?t g?tting t? th? ??rt wh?r? ??u find ?ut whi?h of th? twins i? th? “good” ?n? and whi?h ?n? i? the murderer.) If ??u w?nt to giv? me a ??ll t?m?rr?w, we’ll set ??m?thing u?! Th?nk ??u. I really love that n??kl???”H?r?’? ?n Ex?m?l? f?r Wh?n Someone W?nt? Fr?? Advice:“Th?nk? f?r r?m?mb?ring that I’m an ????unt?nt, T?l?r. I d?n’t like to giv? advice outside th? office. I’m in “h?m?” m?d? and might mi??u?t?. I’d b? h???? t? m??t you at m? ?ffi??. H?r?’? m? ??rd. My website h?? m? h?ur?, f???, ?nd a list ?f everything you’ll n??d t? bring with ??u to ?ur first m??ting. Giv? m? a ??ll, and we’ll set u? a tim? that’s convenient f?r ??u.”M?nti?ning that your f??? are ?n your w?b?it? l?t? the person kn?w th?t ??u’r? n?t considering giving fr?? ?dvi??.Th?r?’? m?r? advice for saying no in thi? bl?g ???t: S??ing N? t? Bu?ing Fundraising It?m?.Y?u might notice th?t th?r? are n? ???l?gi?? in any of the ?b?v? ?x?m?l??. Th?t’? because ??u h?v? n? r????n t? ???l?giz?.Y?u didn’t d? ?n?thing wr?ng.III. Wh?t If th? Person W?n’t T?k? ‘No’ f?r ?n An?w?r and tries t? make ??u feel bad?We will ??ll th?m “bullies” b???u?? th?t’? ?x??tl? what th?? are.An??n? wh? d???n’t r?????t ??ur ??? ?r ??ur no to the point wh?r? they thr??t?n, cajole, twist ??ur ?rm, ?r make you f??l guilt? i? a bully.H?r?’? what t? keep in mind and wh?t t? say when someone i? tr?ing t? bully a Yes fr?m y?u:Repeat th? r????n ??u g?v? in th? fir?t ?l??? f?r ???ing n?. Example: “D?ni?l ?nd I ?gr??d th?t w?’r? ?nl? ??mmitting to one ?xtr? activity thi? ???r, ?nd ?ur time i? ?lr??d? ???k?n f?r. I keep m? ?r?mi??? t? m???lf the ??m? w?? I w?uld to ??u. I d? wi?h ??u luck.”Y?u’ll n?ti?? th?t I added the ??rt about k???ing your promises. Th?t ?h?uld throw th?m a v?rb?l fast b?ll that they’re not g?ing to h?v? a pat comeback for.   At thi? point, you can ?ith?r change th? ?ubj??t or ???, “If ??u’ll ?x?u?? m?, Yvonne, I need t? g? g?t….”But if th? r??u??t something you would consider ?t ?n?th?r tim?, t?ll th?m. “A? I ??id, it w?uldn’t b? ????ibl? f?r m? t? give ??u a h?nd for the n?xt f?ur or fiv? d???, but if ??u n??d m ? th?n, I’ll have a f?w h?ur? in th? ?ft?rn??n? th?t I ??n ?ff?r until you’re fini?h?d.”S?m? ?dditi?n?l short ?nd sweet ??mm?nt?:“It wouldn’t b? right f?r me.”“With m? ??h?dul?, I’d b? unreliable, ?nd I w?n’t let myself b? that.”“M? f?mil? w?uld b? disappointed in m? if I t??k ?n another obligation.”“Teach ??ur children/teens t? ??? something ?l?ng th??? lin??: “M? M?m would di? if I did th?t!” ?r “M? parents and I agreed that’s ??m?thing I wouldn’t do”.If you kn?w ?th?r? who might b? th? ??rf??t ??ndid?t? t? do th? f?v?ur ??u’r? h?ving t? decline, ??u ??n mention that.Maybe th?ir children are n?w t? th? ??h??l ?nd th? m?m ?nd dad might ?nj?? meeting ??m? ?f the other ??r?nt?. M??b? th? n?w hir?? would l?v? the chance to ?x??nd th?ir skill ??t?.Or maybe ??u kn?w a mom wh? w?uld lik? to exchange ??m? b?b??itting tim?. If ??, t?ll th??? who are ??king for ??ur h?l? th?t ??u’ll ???? along th? inf?rm?ti?n ?nd h?v? th? others ??nt??t them. (M?k? ?ur? n?t to give ?ut people’s names ?r contact inf?rm?ti?n with?ut ????king t? th?m fir?t.)Y?u might be th? h?rd??t working member ?n th? team, but th?r?’? no need to r?mind ?n??n? about it.Th?t would ??m? off ??unding lik? b???ting ?r ????iv?-?ggr???iv? ??m?l?ining about ?v?r??n? else’s w?rk ?thi?.Just let your yes b? ??? ?nd ??ur n? b? n? wh?n ??k?d t? ?it?h in. And h?l? when you’re ?bl?.Wh?n ??u’r? fini?h?d, ??u’ll be h???? ??u did, b???u?? n? ?n? ??n bring th?t ????i?l spark t? th? ??tivit? lik? you can!If ??u r??ll? w?nt t? ??hi?v? the ‘n?’, here’s how t? do it effectivelyS?? it.  Dont beat ?r?und th? bu?h ?r offer weak ?x?u??? ?r hem ?nd haw. Thi? ?nl? provides ?n ???ning f?r th? ?th?r ??r??n. Dont d?l?? ?r stall ?ith?r. Pr?vid? a bri?f ?x?l?n?ti?n if ??u feel you need t?; however, d?nt feel compelled. Th? l??? ??id the b?tt?r.Be assertive ?nd ??urt??u?.  You might ???, Im ??rr? I ??nt right now but will l?t ??u kn?w when and if I ??n. Thi? approach i? ??lit? , ?nd puts you in a position ?f power b? ?h?nging th? d?n?mi?. Youre t?king ?h?rg?, t?lling people youll let them kn?w wh?n ?nd if you ??n. An?th?r ?x?m?l?, I ???r??i?t? ??ur ??king m? for h?l?, but Im ?tr?t?h?d t?? thin right n?w to devote the time to b? ?f ?u?lit? h?l? t? you.Und?r?t?nd ????l?? t??ti??.  M?n? ????l? ?nd ?rg?niz?ti?n? use manipulation techniques, wh?th?r knowingly ?r n?t. F?r example, think about wh?n ??u g?t a solicitation f?r a donation to a charity and th?r? ?r? forced ??ti?n?: W?uld ??u like t? d?n?t? $10, $20, $30, ?r X ?m?unt? An?th?r tactic: M??t people d?n?t? $20how mu?h w?uld ??u lik? t? d?n?t?? This relies on social ?r???ur?.Set boundaries.  P???l? ??m?tim?? h?v? a h?rd time ???ing no b???u?? th?? havent t?k?n th? time t? ?v?lu?t? their relationships ?nd und?r?t?nd th?ir role within the r?l?ti?n?hi?. When you trul? und?r?t?nd th? d?n?mi? and ??ur r?l?, ??u w?nt f??l ?? w?rri?d about the consequences ?f ???ing n?. Y?ull r??liz? th?t ??ur relationship is so lid ?nd ??n withstand ??ur ???ing n?.Put the ?u??ti?n b??k ?n the ??r??n ??king.  This is highl? effective in a w?rk situation. L?t? ??? a ?u??rvi??r i? ??king you to t?k? ?n ??v?r?l t??k?m?r? th?n you ??n handle. You might ???, Im happy t? d? X, Y, ?nd Z; however, I w?uld need three w??k?, r?th?r th?n tw?, t? d? a g??d job. H?w would ??u lik? me t? ?ri?ritiz? th?m?B? firm.  If ??m??n? cant ?????t ??ur n?, th?n ??u know th? person i? ?r?b?bl? not a tru? fri?nd ?r doesnt r?????t you. Stand firm, ?nd dont feel compelled to giv? in ju?t because that ??r??n i? un??mf?rt?bl?.B? ??lfi?h.  Put ??ur n??d? fir?t. N?t th??? of th? ??r??n asking you f?r ??m?thing. If ??u prioritize th?t ??r??n? n??d? over ??ur?, youll find ??ur productivity will suffer and r???ntm?nt will m?unt. P?rh??? w? can l??rn from W?rr?n Buff?tt, who ??id, Th? difference b?tw??n successful people ?nd very successful ????l? is th?t v?r? ?u?????ful ????l? ??? n? to ?lm??t ?v?r?thing.25 FUNNY W??? T? S?? NO ?ND TH?? ?R? ?F F??TIV? T?? But th?r? ?r? ?t??? t? it. W?’v? already t?lk?d ?b?ut it ?b?v?, but here’s h?w it plays ?ut.St?? One: Prepare ??ur??lf t? ??? “NO.”It i? much easier to ??? no t? an invit?ti?n wh?n we have a concrete r????n for d?ing ??â€"? w?? to justify our r?fu??l beyond th? vague notion th?t w? ?h?uld ?v?id th? ??mmitm?nt in question.This means th?t w? n??d t? ?r??t? th? r????n for saying no b?f?r? we n??d itâ€"w? need a d??i?i?n m?king ?tru?tur?, ?r “rules” t? guid? u? ?? that w? don’t h?v? t? agonize ?v?r every invitation.F?r ?x?m?l?, ?n? rule I have f?r m???lf is th?t I don’t go ?ut m?r? th?n two night? in a giv?n w??k, because I kn?w th?t wh?n I do thi?, I ??n’t meet u? with m? writing d??dlin?? and when I d?n’t m??t u?, I h?v? to apologize ?nd wh?n d? that, I g?t r??ll? ?r?nk?, ?nn???d, ?nd run d?wn.S? if ??m??n? ??k? m? ?b?ut a third evening one week, I have th? structure I n??d to t?ll th?m I’m n?t ?v?il?bl? (but th?nk ??u f?r asking!).St?? Two: S?? ‘NO ’It i? in?r?dibl? h?l?ful t? h?v? go-to w??? t? ju?t ??? n?. I u?? the “I’m ?lr??d? booked” strategy, b???u?? th?t is most ?ft?n th? r????n I can’t d? ??m?thing. H?r? are ??m? ?th?r 25 funn? tactics t? say NOV?gu? but ?ff??tiv?: “Th?nk ??u f?r ??king, but that i?n’t g?ing to work out f?r me.” Thi? i? v?gu?, but v?r? ?ff??tiv?. It m??t ?ft?n leaves th? person ?tunn?d. It? ?ui?t funn?, but only t? you.Firm ?nd d??i?iv? “l?t’? n?t do th?t”: L?t’? n?t d? th?t now. I’m ju?t n?t in th? m??d.It’? not ??r??n?l: “Thank ??u for asking, but I’m n?t d?ing any interviews while I’m writing my b??k.”It? r??ll? n?ting ??r??n?l.A?k me l?t?r: “I want to d? th?t, but I’m n?t ?v?il?bl? until April. Will ??u ??k m? again then?” I am ?ur? I’ll be ?bl? t? ?queeze out tim? f?r you.L?t m? h??k you u?: “I can’t d? it, but I’ll b?t Sh?ll? ??n. I’ll ask h?r f?r you.” Thi? you r??ll? being ni??, especially when ??u are ?r?tt? ?ur? Sh?ll? w?uldn’t b? up for it.K??? trying: “None ?f th??? d?t?? w?rk f?r me, but I w?uld l?v? t? see ??u. S?nd m? some more dates.”Tr? me l??t minut?: “I can’t ?ut anything ?l?? ?n m? ??l?nd?r thi? m?nth, but I’d l?v? t? d? that with ??u ??m?tim?. Will ??u call me right before ??u g? ?g?in?” m??b? I’ll be fr?? th?n. Th?nk? for understandingGr?titud?: “Th?nk ??u ?? much for ??ur enthusiasm and ?u???rt! I’m ??rr? I’m not ?bl? t? help you at thi? tim?.”It? ju?t b?d timing but th?nk you.Give D?d a ?h?n??: “You know, I f??l lik? m?m? ?r? ?lw??? g?tting t? do the holiday ??rti?? at school. Let’s ??k D?d if h? wants t? help this ???r.”No ??n d?: sorry br?, but n? can d?. M??b? wh?n I’m l??? bu??.5-minut? favour: “I can’t ????k at ??ur ?v?nt, but I will help ??u ?r?m?t? it on m? bl?g.”Just N?: “Th?nk?, I’ll have t? ???? ?n th?t.” (Say it, then ?hut up.)Gr??i?u?: “I r??ll? appreciate you ??king me, but m? tim? is ?lr??d? committed.”I’m S?rr?: “I wish I could, but it†™s just n?t g?ing to w?rk right now.”It’s S?m??n? El??’? Decision: “I ?r?mi??d m? ????h (th?r??i?t, hu?b?nd, etc.) I w?uldn’t t?k? ?n ?n? more projects right n?w. I’m working on creating more balance in m? lif?.” I know ??u und?r?t?nd wh?t I m??n. Gl?d ??u und?r?t?ndM? F?mil? i? th? R????n: “Th?nk? ?? mu?h for th? invit?, th?t’? th? d?? ?f my ??n’? ?????r g?m?, ?nd I n?v?r miss th???.” M??b? n?xt tim?.I Kn?w Someone El??: “I just don’t h?v? tim? right now. Let m? recommend someone wh? m?? b? able to h?l? you.”I’m Already Booked: “I ???r??i?t? ??u thinking of m?, but I’m afraid I’m ?lr??d? b??k?d th?t d??.”S?tting Boundaries: “Let m? t?ll you what I ??n d?…” Then limit the ??mmitm?nt to wh?t will be ??mf?rt?bl? for you.Not N?, But Not Y??: my ?ll tim? favourite. “L?t m? think ?b?ut it, ?nd I’ll g?t b??k t? ??u.Say n?thing: “N?t all r??u??t? r??uir? ?n ?n?w?r. It feels rud? t? ign?r? a r??u??t, but sometimes it’? th? best w?? f?r eve ryone to ??v? f??? and time.” Ex?m?l?, “h?? J?hn, h??? ??u w?uld ?tt?nd my ??rt? tonight”. J?hn: *l?ugh?* and ???? noting.Let it all h?ng ?ut: “R???ntl? my daughter g?t injur?d in g?m class. It was a week ?f vi?it? t? th? ER, the ??n?u??i?n ?lini?, specialists, ?t?. I ??nt m?k? it t? your ??rt? but ill b? gl?d if ??u ??m? h?ng ?t the h???it?l with m?”. I’m pretty ?ur? th?? are g?ing t? m?k? u? excuses as ?t to wh? th?? ??n n?t. Th?? w?uld also r??u??t less fr?m ??u.I’m “maxed ?ut”: “W? n??d a ‘??f?t? word’ for ???ing n?â€"?n ???? way t? t?ll ????l? th?t w? ??n’t ?r won’t d? the thing they ?r? r??u??ting, but th?t it’? n?t personal. Just say you ?r? m?x?d out and ?ll?w them g?t th? gi?t.Wh?, H?v?n? NO: this way should b? funn? too. I’m sure the ??r??n didn’t ??? it ??ming. In f??t, it w?uld ??m? ?? a ?h??k, th?? w?uldn’t ask ?g?in.I can’t ?n? more, I h?d m? ?tu?idit? ?m?ut?t?d l??t w??k: this could ??m? off ?? rude but still a bit funny t? you an yways. Ju?t ??u.St?? 3: Don’t look b??kPlenty ?f research ?ugg??t? th?t when we m?k? a decision in a w?? that ?ll?w? us to ?h?ng? our mind? l?t?r, we t?nd to be a l?t l??? happy with th? decisions th?t w? m?k?.S? ?n?? we d??lin? an invitation, w? n??d t? make ?n ?ff?rt to focus ?n th? good th?t will ??m? fr?m ???ing n?, n?t th? regret ?r guilt w? feel about turning d?wn an ?ff?r.Perhaps w? will b? better rested because w? didn’t g? to a party, ?r w?’ll f??l less resentful because we l?t ??m??n? ?l?? h?l? out.M??b? saying no to one thing frees u? tim? f?r another (more j??ful) activity. Whatever th? ???? m?? be, f??u? on the ???itiv? outcome ?f ??ur effort t? giv? g??d n?.Because th?t i? what ?ll thi? ???ing n? i? really about: All?wing ?ur??lv?? t? really ?nj?? wh?t we ?r? doing in th? moment, wh?t?v?r th?t might be.S?M? ?R??TI??L ?X?M?L?? ?F HOW ?ND WH? IT IS IM??RT?NT T? ??? NOa) S??ing N? f?r th? Sake ?f Your W?ll?tR??u??t: A fri?nd in need asks f?r a Trump-worthy loan.Wh?t you ?h?uld say: I wi?h I ??uld, but as a rul?, I d?nt l?nd m?n?? t? fri?nd?.Wh? it w?rk?: Its ?l??r th?t ??u are n?t ?ingling ?ut thi? ??r??n ?? untru?tw?rth?.Wh? ??u ?h?uldnt f??l guilt?: Lending ?n? amount ?f m?n?? can ??u?? ?r?bl?m?, says communications tr?in?r D?n G?b?r. It can change the n?tur? ?f your r?l?ti?n?hi? if the person d???nt ??? ??u b??k.H?w t? ?v?id th? ?itu?ti?n in th? futur?: N?v?r l?nd m?n?? t? fri?nd? ?nd ??u w?nt g?t a reputation as a w?lking, br??thing ATM.R??u??t: A ??-w?rk?r w?nt? ??u t? ?hi? in $25 for a gift for a colleague ??u w?uldnt r???gniz? at the w?t?r ???l?r.Wh?t ??u ?h?uld ???: Oh, Iv? n?v?r r??ll? h?d a conversation with S?m. I think Ill just wi?h him a h???? birthd?? in person.Why it works: Ch?n??? ?r?, th? ??r??n t?king d?n?ti?n? h?? n? id?? how close ??u are (?r ?r? n?t) with the intended r??i?i?nt. B? clarifying th? n?tur? ?f ??ur r?l?ti?n?hi???nd emphasizing your int?nti?n to get t? know th? person b?tt?r???u ??m? ??r??? ?? th?ughtful r?th?r than ?h???.Wh? you ?h?uldnt f??l guilty: A gift isnt a gift if it? ?n ?blig?ti?n, ??? ?ti?u?tt? writers Kim Izz? ?nd C?ri M?r?h.How t? ?v?id the situation in th? futur?: If workplace gift giving i? getting ?ut of hand, t?k? th? lead in r??t?ring sanity b? circulating a ??rd before someone can break ?ut th? gift-d?n?ti?n ?l?t?. M?k? ?ur? others kn?w you d?nt expect ?n?thing on ??ur birthday.R??u??t: Y?ur third ??u?in asks to bring h?r boyfriend-of-the-month to ??ur $150-a-plate w?dding r????ti?n.Wh?t you should ???: W?v? ?lr??d? h?d t? make ?? many t?ugh d??i?i?n? to g?t th? gu??t li?t down t? size. We r??ll? cant squeeze in/?ff?rd another gu??t. But I w?uld love to h?v? ??u two ?v?r for drink? sometime ?? I ??n m??t him.Wh? it works: If ??u illuminate ??m? ?f your b?hind-th?-???n?? planning, your ??u?in m?? g?t a ?lu? ?b?ut th? in???r??ri?t?n??? of the r??u??t.Wh? ??u ?h?uldnt f??l guilt?: Its ??ur ??rt? and ??ur ???k?tb??k, says ?uth?r P?tti Br?itm?n.How t? avoid th? ?itu?ti?n in th? futur?: M?k? a f?w calls b?f?r? ??u put together the guest li?t t? see if th?r? ?r? n?w ?dditi?n? ??u should ??n?id?r as ??u ?l?n.b) Saying No f?r the S?k? ?f Y?ur TimeR??u??t: You ?r? ?ff?r?d a promotion th?t you d?nt want. Even th?ugh it m??n? more m?n??, it d?m?nd? m?r? h?ur? ?nd more ?f wh?t your boss ??ll? responsibility and you ??ll t?dium.What you ?h?uld say: Im fl?tt?r?d th?t you w?nt me, but f?r personal reasons Im n?t in a ?itu?ti?n where I ??n t?k? this ?n. P?rh??? in a ???r fr?m now thing? will be diff?r?nt. C?n we t?lk ?g?in if my circumstances change?Wh? it works: If youre ??ught in thi? enviable dil?mm?, your boss will und?r?t?nd ??u have ??r??n?l priorities that take precedence.Wh? ??u ?h?uldnt f??l guilt?: B? ???ing no to m?r? tim? ?t the office, ??ur? ???ing ??? t? ?th?r thing? ??u ?h?ri?h, b? th?? l?ng w?lk? ?l?n? ?t ?un??t or evening time with ??ur ?hildr?n.H?w t? ?v?id th? ?itu?ti?n in the future: If a ???iti?n ???n? up ?t ??ur w?rk?l???, ??u ??uld l?t it be kn?wn th?t you are n?t in the running, Breitman ?ugg??t?. B?ing forthright ??v?? your m?n?g?r the trouble ?f ?ur?uing a ??ndid?t? wh? i?nt int?r??t?d.Request: You ?r? ??k?d to ???rdin?t? th? b?k? sale?again?at your ?hild? school.Wh?t you ?h?uld ???: I know Im g?ing to disappoint you, but Iv? d??id?d n?t t? volunteer this ???r, b???u?? I f??r Ill end u? f??ling resentful. I? there any w?? to g?t some ?f th? ?th?r parents t? step up?Wh? it works: Oft?n ????l? f??l manipulated into d?ing ??m?thing (Th? i?? ?r??m social ju?t w?nt h????n with?ut your h?l?!). If ??u ??n ?ddr??? th? problematic ??tt?rn ?f ?n? ??r??n? doing ?ll th? work, ??u ?id??t?? th? manipulation. And if ??u ??? n?, it might f?r?? ?th?r? (wh? n?v?r g?t asked) to ??? ???.Wh? you ?h?uldnt feel guilty: Youve done your fair ?h?r?, and n?w ?th?r? ??n do thi? j?b, says R?bin??n.H?w t? ?v?id the situation in the futur?: En??ur?g? school l??d?r? t? ?r???nt th? problem t? ?ll th? ??r?nt?, ???? Robinson. If people kn?w an im??rt ?nt program m?? f?il, theyll u?u?ll? remedy the situation.R??u??t: Y?ur? invited to a distant r?l?tiv?? ?nnu?l L?b?t?r Lu?u?f?r the 14th ???r in a row.Wh?t you ?h?uld say: Iv? really h?d fun in the ???t, but I ??nt make it this year. Th?t w??k i? ?lr??d? ???k?d f?r m?.Why it works: Y?uv? ?x?l?in?d it in a w?? that d???nt sound lik? a ??r??n?l r?j??ti?n, ???? R?bin??n. And ??uv? ??k?d f?r und?r?t?nding, based ?n ??ur n??d t? t?k? ?tr??? out of your ??h?dul?. Ev?r??n? ??n id?ntif? with th?t.Wh? ??u ?h?uldnt f??l guilt?: You h?v? only ?? mu?h free tim???nd ?? mu?h t?l?r?n?? f?r fl?ing lobster g??. D?nt R.S.V.P. ???, then b??k out at the l??t minut? ?r, w?r??, not ?h?w up at ?ll, ??? Izz? ?nd M?r?h. That i? th? l???t d???r?u? way of handling th? invit?.H?w t? ?v?id the situation in the futur?: In a n?t?, th?nk th? r?l?tiv? f?r thinking ?f ??u ?nd explain that b???u?? ??u t?nd t? be bu?? ?t this tim? of ???r, h? ?h?uld f??l fr?? t? t?k? ??u ?ff hi? invit? list.R??u??t: Y?ur b??? asks ??u t? supervise thi? ?????n? int?rn?l??t ???n with her feet u? on a desk, iP?d ?n, Gameboy in h?nd.What ??u ?h?uld ???: Wow, th?t? an interesting ?r?j??t. Im r??ll? busy with the ABC ???ignm?nt right now, so l?t m? kn?w if ??u want m? to r?-?ri?ritiz?.Wh? it w?rk?: A?king ??ur b??? t? ?ri?ritiz? t??k? f?r ??u m??n? you d?nt have t? actually say th? n? word, Breitman ????. If ?h? tells ??u to just squeeze the new task in, then do it. But k??? a list ?f ?ll th? ?xtr? w?rk ??uv? d?n??f?r ??ur n?xt r?vi?w.Why you shouldnt feel guilt?: You r??ll? do h?v? ?n?ugh w?rk to d? ?? it i?.H?w to avoid th? ?itu?ti?n in th? future: If ?xtr? t??k? k??? g?tting dum??d ?n your d??k, ??k your b??? for a m??ting. Ex?l?in that the ?dd?d ???ignm?nt? ?r? m?king it h?rd t? do ??ur ?rim?r? job properly. A?k if she w?nt? t? review ??ur job d???ri?ti?n (?nd r?n?g?ti?t? ??ur ??l?r? whil? ?h?? at it).c) S??ing No f?r th? S?k? ?f Your SanityR??u??t: A friend ??k? t? b?rr?w ??ur ??r (because hers i? in the ?h?? to r???ir th? d?nt ?h? g?t whil? driving, t?lking ?n h?r ??ll phone, ?nd unwr???ing her kids juice-box ?tr?w).What ??u ?h?uld ???: I d?nt l?nd anything worth m?r? th?n $1,000. Tr? to avoid the old I d?nt have insurance for a n?n-f?mil? member excuse?most in?ur?n?? ??li?i?? ??v?r th? ??r, n?t specific driv?r?. (If your friend g?t int? ?n ???id?nt, it ??uld m?k? ??ur premium go u?, though.) If ??u h?v? tim?, offer h?r a ride instead.Why it w?rk?: It ?ut? the blame ?n you, ?x?l?in? ?uth?r P?tti Breitman. Ju?t d?nt indicate you d?nt tru?t the friend.Wh? ??u shouldnt f??l guilty: Y?ur ??r is probably the fir?t ?r second m??t v?lu?bl? thing you ?wn, says Br?itm?n. Y?ur? ?r?t??ting a big fin?n?i?l ????t. Plu?, if ??ur fri?nd were t? get into ?n ???id?nt, ??ur r?l?ti?n?hi? might be t?t?ll?d, too.H?w to avoid th? ?itu?ti?n in the futur?: Let ??ur friends kn?w th?t while youre typically a generous lender (Of ??ur?? ??u can borrow m? ?n?rk?lling g??r!), ??ur ??r is ?ff-limit?.R??u??t: A guest ?ff ?r? t? bring h?r seven-layer di? to your ??rt?. It doesn’t really g? with th? Gr??k th?m? you h?v? ?l?nn?d.Wh?t you ?h?uld say: Wh?t a kind ?ff?r?th?nk ??u. I h?v? already ?l?nn?d th? m?nu, but do ??u have any di?t?r? restrictions I ?h?uld kn?w ?b?ut? If ?h?? ju?t ??king t? b? ni?? ?nd in?i?t? ?n bringing ??m?thing, ?ugg??t a bottle ?f wine ?r a loaf ?f br??d.Wh? it works: By ??kn?wl?dging th? g?n?r??it? ?f th? offer, ??u let th?t person kn?w she did all ?h? could. Of course, if th? ??r??n has dietary r??tri?ti?n? th?t m?k? ???king difficult for ??u, relent ?nd let h?r bring a di?h ?h? can ??t.Why you ?h?uldnt f??l guilt?: Th? person is m??t likely ?ff?ring just t? be courteous. B? ???ing no, you giv? h?r li??n?? t? r?l?x ?nd ?nj?? ??ur h???it?lit?.How t? avoid the situation in the futur?: When ??u invit? ????l?, ??k if there i? anything th?? d?n’t ??t, b???u?? you w?nt to make ?ur? your m?nu w?rk? f?r ?v?r??n?. Emphasize the word menu, so ????l? kn?w that ??u h?v? a ?l?n ?r a t heme f?r th? meal (?nd ?? th?? won’t tr? t? u???t it).Request: Y?ur futur? ?i?t?r-in-l?w wants t? throw ??u a ?h?w?r, but ??u don’t w?nt th? fu??.Wh?t you should say: I r??ll? d?nt want a ??rt?, but thank ??u ?? much f?r ?ff?ring. Why dont we ??lurg? ?n a visit to a d?? ??? in?t??d?Wh? it works: Not everyone lik?? a ??rt? in h?r h?n?ur ?r w?nt? to be th? centre ?f ?tt?nti?n with a ????r plate ?f bows ?n h?r head, say etiquette writ?r? Kim Izz? ?nd Ceri M?r?h. Unless ?h? h?? her ?wn agenda, ?h? ?h?uld und?r?t?nd.Wh? you shouldnt f??l guilt?: If ??u d??lin?, you ?r? t?king ?w?? ??m? pleasure fr?m the ????l? wh? ??r? ?b?ut ??u, but it i? your ?????i?n to ?h?ut ?b?ut ?r b? ?ui?t ?b?ut, ??? Izz? ?nd M?r?h.H?w t? ?v?id th? ?itu?ti?n in th? future: Ann?un?? what you w?uld ?r?f?r t? d? instead of a ?h?w?r b?f?r? anyone ?ff?r? t? throw ?n?.

Chickasaw - Native American Indians Essay - 2200 Words

Chickasaw - Native American Indians (Essay Sample) Content: Chickasaw - Native American IndiansNameInstitutionAbstractThis paper discusses the Native American Indians (Five Civilized Tribes) who are Choctaws, Creeks, and Chickasaws, Cherokees and Seminoles and their journey through the trial of tears. The different challenges that the tribes went through are analyzed including disease, hungers, and lack of water. The Cherokee are noted as the tribe that went through the most suffering during the trail of tears. The paper further analyzes the Chickasaw way of life in Weakly County, their land issues and the impact of the Indian Removal act that was signed by President Andrew Jackson. The law and how it caused the tribes painful moments is analyzed mainly for forcing the Indians out of their land permanently. Finally, the Chickasaw movement to their current Oklahoma state and their socioeconomic life and government is analyzed.Contents TOC \o "1-3" \h \z \u Abstract PAGEREF _Toc405856692 \h 1Chickasaw - Native American Indians P AGEREF _Toc405856693 \h 3The Chickasaw Way of Life and Their Land PAGEREF _Toc405856694 \h 3Way of life PAGEREF _Toc405856695 \h 3Chickasaw and Their Land PAGEREF _Toc405856696 \h 4The Five Civilized Tribes and Their Journey on the Trail Of Tears PAGEREF _Toc405856697 \h 5Cherokee PAGEREF _Toc405856698 \h 5The Choctaw PAGEREF _Toc405856699 \h 5The Creek (Muscogee) PAGEREF _Toc405856700 \h 6The Seminoles PAGEREF _Toc405856701 \h 7Chickasawà ¢Ã¢â€š ¬s Life Today PAGEREF _Toc405856702 \h 8Comparison and Assessment of Northwest Tennessee to Oklahoma PAGEREF _Toc405856703 \h 9Chickasaw in Northwest Tennessee PAGEREF _Toc405856704 \h 9Chickasaw in Oklahoma PAGEREF _Toc405856705 \h 9Conclusion PAGEREF _Toc405856706 \h 11References PAGEREF _Toc405856707 \h 12Chickasaw - Native American IndiansIntroductionThe Chickasaw tribes were Indians who, in the beginning settled in the south of United States. It was a relatively small tribe that consisted of fighters and hunters that settled around Mi ssissippi. They had their fast encounter with the European explorers in the 1540s; from the very beginning these associations were full of tension. Along with other tribes, they were coerced to relocate in the state of Oklahoma which was an Indian territory, where the bulk of the tribe resides up to date.The Chickasaw Way of Life and Their LandWay of lifeThe Chickasaw was highly organized community. Their ancestry was only traced through their motherà ¢Ã¢â€š ¬s line, meaning that society was matrilineal. They initially lived in tents, and each community had a central meeting place. They had a political system that was well decentralized and each community had their own chief as well as other leaders. According to the study by Gorman (2011), the Chickasaw had a culture that mainly concentrated on military where their boys would be trained on martial arts and military routine, they mainly focused on military because they were made up of a small population and they had many enemies su ch as Europeans and other Indian tribes. They were famous for their military prowess and had reputation as ferocious warriors. The Chickasaw community worshiped an idol known as Ababinili, a god who represented the sky, clouds and the sun. They trusted in the spiritual powers of this deity since the sun was required to generate and sustain life. They also worshiped other idols each for a different purpose for example depending on faith for healing as well as protection from evil spirits. The Chickasaw community also made use of medicine from plants to treat illnesses.Chickasaw and Their LandThe Chickasaw initially had contact with Europeans after meeting a Spanish explorer Hernando de Soto and his men in the 1540s the intention of De Soto and his men was to take over Chickasaw, they pressed hard and were able to take over one of the villages, this intention was met with a lot of opposition from the Chickasaw community who retaliated by burning their own villages and as a result the Spanish retreated from the area. In 1978, there was formation of Mississippi territory and white Americans swamped into the land, which was located at the centre of Chickasaw territory. The Chickasaws became under immense pressure to give up their lands to the Americans. These new pressures resulted to changes in the society and economy of the Chickasaw people. They began new agricultural pursuits, for instance, cotton farming and were influenced by concepts from American private land and constitutional government. Many Chickasaws adopted the American way of life following the settling of missionaries who taught them Christianity, American education and western-style. However, after Mississippi was declared a state in 1817, the Americans claimed that Indians had no privileges to land (Hale, Gibson, and Porter 1991). In 1818, Pressure to give up land rose and Chickasaw leaders started ceding their lands to the American residents, but they refused to give up their customary land s. In 1830, through President Andrew Jackson an act called Indian Removal Act was made into law. This law forced Indians out of their land permanently. Consequently, the Chickasaw, tried to resist the white invaders but they were overpowered and therefore forced to relocate to west of river Mississippi.The Five Civilized Tribes and Their Journey on the Trail Of TearsThe tribes were the Creeks, Seminoles, Chickasaws, Cherokees, and the Choctaws. These tribes were described by Euro-Americans as à ¢Ã¢â€š ¬Ã‹Å"civilizedà ¢Ã¢â€š ¬ because their cultures had characteristics that were misrepresented as having evolved after contact with the Americans. The civilized tribes were cultivators and lived in settlements.CherokeeCherokee lived on Euro-American plantations and they had huge land holding, in addition they kept slaves. The Cherokee intermarried with the Euro-Americans. Groups of influential Cherokees came up in the 19th century; the group in 1820s makes an alphabet of the Cheroke e language and published a Cherokee newspaper. The American government started removing the civilized tribes from Mississippi to the Indian Territory. The Cherokee led an opposition to the eviction but they were finally forcibly evicted using the federal troops. During the trail of tears, the Cherokee experienced adverse suffering during the cold weather conditions, a time they called the à ¢Ã¢â€š ¬Ã‹Å"trail of tearsà ¢Ã¢â€š ¬During the à ¢Ã¢â€š ¬Ã‹Å"trail of tearsà ¢Ã¢â€š ¬ Cherokee went through a great deal of suffering. Many were removed from their homes without any possessions and they were therefore forced to travel throughout the hottest point in time of the year when the watercourse level was too low for navigation. In addition, there was an increase in sickness and death as a result of drought, bad water, awful diet and physical fatigue especially among children. They also experienced heavy rains that which made roads muddy as a result they were forced to manually drag the wagons from the mad.The ChoctawThe Choctaw Indian nation is believed to have originated from Nanih Waya, which means à ¢Ã¢â€š ¬Ã‹Å"productive Moundà ¢Ã¢â€š ¬ and is commonly referred to as à ¢Ã¢â€š ¬Ã‹Å"The Mother Moundà ¢Ã¢â€š ¬. They trace their ancestry to Mississippi and some part of Alabama. Culturally, women were considered the head of households; in addition, they are the care takers of children, elders, and the home (Cushman and Debo, 1999). In 1830, over 20,000 Chickasaw were moved through a long journey to Oklahoma through a treaty called Treaty of Dancing Rabbit Creek, they named it the à ¢Ã¢â€š ¬Ã‹Å"the trail of tearsà ¢Ã¢â€š ¬ because most of them did not survive.Through the efforts of missionaries the Choctaw adapted to Oklahoma and accepted a foreign religion as well as a new code of conduct, in addition to establishment of a completely alien education system and customized their commercial and agricultural practices to match with a multifaceted economic system. The Choctaw tribe was politically organized and it was divided into three political districts. Each of the districts had their own set of leaders. In 1860, they adopted a new constitution which provided the three branches of government namely the executive, the judicial and the legislative. The districts were now subdivided into counties, each of the counties had its own county officers namely, a judge, sheriff and ranger. And each of them had a duty of administering laws in his county.The Creek (Muscogee)The Creek (Muscogee) community was descendants of a very incredible culture. Early ancestors of the Creek build outstanding earthen pyramids as a component of their elaborate ceremonial complex. They later constructed expansive towns which are now in the present states of Georgia, Florida, Alabama and South Carolina. The Muscogee were a union of several tribes, this unions progressed into a confederacy that was described by the Euro-Americans as à ¢Ã¢â€š ¬Ã‹Å"historic per iod," and it was the most refined political organization north of Mexico. They had tribal towns and each tribal town sustained a political independence as well as diverse land holdings. As population increased new tribal towns were established to cater for the growth. The Muscogee community was concentrated into two regions. The English called Muscogee people inhabiting the towns of Coosa and the Tallapoosa rivers and the Upper Creeks on the Chattahoochee and Flint rivers.In the 19th century, the United States Indian policy concentrated on the eviction of the Muscogee and the other Southeastern tribes to regions beyond the Mississippi River. In 1832, the creek leadership switched over creek cherished ancestral land for new lands in Oklahoma Indian Territory. However, the majority of the creek found it difficult to break ties to lands which they felt as part of. Consequently, they were removed forcibly by the U.S Army. The American civil war was devastating for the Creek comm...