Reflection essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 750 words - 12

Reflection - Essay Example In this paper I will examine that grounds learning is significant for understudies when contrasted with web based learning, while at the same time keeping in see my own understanding of school grounds. At the point when I joined my school, I met numerous different understudies; and along these lines, began associating with my friends, which is a basic piece of character improvement. My character has prepared significantly after I have joined my school. I know this when I contrast myself with when I was in school. I accept that in grounds learning, undergrads come to realize how to carry on in homerooms; how to demonstrate regard to instructors; how to manage friends; and, how to show discipline while learning. This mingling is gainful for them in both short and long terms since they figure out how to manage life and its issues and how to adapt to connections. I figured out how to speak with my instructors and companions, which profited me in my own life too. Subsequently, grounds learning shows viable relationship the board which can't be learned through internet learning. Grounds learning causes understudies to follow the cutoff times in a superior manner, and they figure out how to follow a set routine example for their investigations. At the point when I joined school, one of my companions, who is an online understudy, persuaded me that school grounds condition is exceptionally severe and causes the understudy to follow the timetables persuasively. Notwithstanding, my experience has been unique. I have had the option to set my daily schedule in an extremely successful way. Web based learning doesn't furnish the understudies with these chances, since they will in general be loose since they don't need to stand up to teacher’s comments and class fellows’ comments’ in the event that they don't fulfill a time constraint or are not spruced up perfectly, and etcetera. Consequently, grounds learning shows discipline in a greatly improved manner. I have figured out how to spruce up conveniently, how to pass on my thoughts vis-à-vis, an d how to carry on in gatherings and groups. I would never have learnt

Buddhism’s Impact on Classical China Essay

The ubiquity of Buddhism in China c. 220 CE was because of its positive gathering in the enormous worker class. Nonetheless; rulers and nobles wound up compromised by the casual Buddhist lessons that subverted the authority of the expert Confucian government and debilitated worker hard working attitude. Despite the fact that the counter Buddhist assessments of high-positioning authorities in the third sixth hundreds of years of China ought to be thought about, a worker composed record featuring the advantages of Buddhism rather than the guarded perspectives taken by rulers and nobles would be useful in breaking down the genuine degree of Buddhism’s fame in China. Around 350 CE, a period of unsteadiness in China, laborers discovered solace in the lessons of Buddhism, which dissimilar to Confucianism offered a the great beyond the undermined workers could anticipate. This prompted numerous transformations from Confucianism to Buddhism, which stressed rulers; lost mainstream thinking in the state-upheld religion might subvert the administration and result in lost force for some administrators. Han Yu, a court official in 819 CE, alludes to the spread of this underhanded â€Å"cult† from India and over and again squeezes that Buddhism be killed in China (Doc 4). The Tang head Wu, composing during generally a similar period, (845 CE), reflects the assessment of Han Yu. He talks about Buddhism contrarily, refering to the careless hard working attitude of Buddhists, and like Han Yu, he requires the evacuating of Buddhism from China (Doc 6). Be that as it may; behind both these officials’ passionate words is a dread that the promotion of Buddhism would change the administration structure, which would cause loss of their status. They composed their proclamations to change the psyches of laborers who were thinking about changing over to this â€Å"cult† on the grounds that maybe on the off chance that they persuaded enough to stay Confucian, they would keep their high-positioning positions. Buddhism increased quite a bit of its prominence during the wild time from 350-570 CE. This is when ace Buddhist researchers started showing up in more prominent numbers. One such researcher, Zhi Dun, distinguished Buddhism as a methods for traversing attempting times. Around 350 CE, the start of the unstableâ period, Zhi composed a letter depicting the miracle of existence in the wake of death guaranteed by Buddha. He composed this to comfort the a huge number of frightful and profoundly denied Confucian Chinese, who needed faith in an existence in the wake of death. Their demise was a developing chance, since they were being butchered by attacking Mongols. Zhi wished to illuminate them regarding the elective the great beyond guaranteed through Buddhism; â€Å"Nirvana† (Doc 2). Similar lessons Zhi was tending to the Chinese working class had just been talked by the Buddha himself to the Indian individuals numerous hundreds of years before c. 563 BCE. The primary message Buddha gave talked about Noble Truths, which could stop distress and desiring (Doc 1). One can perceive any reason why these thoughts, epitomized by Buddhism would be well known among a poor Chinese proletariat, similarly as they had been in India. In spite of the fact that the general impression from Chinese authorities and researchers towards Buddhism is negative, there were a couple of errors; Chinese researchers who supported Buddha’s lessons. A Chinese researcher composed decidedly in 500 CE of the Buddha in contrast with Confucius, expressing â€Å"To contrast the sages with the Buddha would resemble contrasting a white deer with a unicorn†¦Ã¢â‚¬  (Doc 3). Besides, around 800 CE, after the time of precariousness, a researcher supported by the Tang supreme family unit composed an article on the idea of man, expressing strikingly that â€Å"Confucius, Laozi, and the Buddha were all ideal sages,† (Doc 5). This report features that once the period of flimsiness had passed and Confucianism was again the prevailing religion, rulers and their court researchers could assess Buddhism as a religion without dreadful bias. Taking everything into account, truly, the spread of Buddhism into China was respected adversely by the decision, high-positioning, and noble class. China was immersed with against Buddhist purposeful publicity (appeared by the reports) in light of the prevalence among most of the working class, which made up the main part of the Chinese populace. This purposeful publicity was regularly against Buddhist since it was the upper/educated class who was composing it; therefore it was inclined towards their own negative perspectives on Buddhism. A report composed by an extremely poor or laborer researcher with respect to their perspective on Buddhism would make a progressively complete image of how it was truly gotten in China.

Analysis of of Quercetin in Camellia Sinensis Extracts

Examination of Quercetin in Camellia Sinensis Extracts Theoretical An exact and doable switched stage elite fluid chromatographic (RP-HPLC) strategy for the novel investigation of Quercetin in watery and alcoholic concentrates of Camellia sinensis extricates with inside standard has been created. The examination was completed on a Phenomenax-C18 segment (250 Ãâ€"4.6mm, 5î ¼m). turned around stage section, utilizing a blend of acetonitrile and 0.1% orthophosphoric corrosive in water at 60:40 proportion as the versatile stage; Propyl paraben was utilized as the inner norm. The linearity scope of the Quercetin was seen as in 1-25  µg/ml and the maintenance times were seen as 3.3 and 5.6 min for Quercetin and Propyl paraben individually. The precision was acceptable and recuperation esteems for Quercetin ran from 100 to 102% individually. The proposed novel strategy is exact and attainable for the assurance of Quercetin with interior standard in a short scientific runtime. The strategy is by all accounts appropriate for routine examination in qualit y control labs and research establishments. Catchphrases: Quercetin, HPLC, Propyl paraben, Validation. Presentation Quercetin (Fig. 1) synthetically 2-(3,4-dihydroxyphenyl)- 3,5,7-trihydroxy-4H-chromen-4-one is a plant color (flavonoid) found in numerous plants and nourishments, for example, red wine, onions, green tea, apples, berries, Ginkgo biloba. It is utilized for treating states of theâ heartâ andâ bloodâ vessels including â€Å"hardening of theâ arteries† (atherosclerosis),â high cholesterol,â heart illness, and course issues (1-3). It is likewise used to treat inflammation,â asthma,â gout,â viral infections,â chronic fatigueâ syndrome (CFS), preventingâ cancer, and for treating interminable contaminations of theâ prostate (4-7). Quercetin is likewise used to expand continuance and improve athletic execution. Tooth rot is most basic irresistible oral illness that burdens 95% of the people. The flavonoids Quercetin found in green tea can stop the development of dental plaques and tooth rot. Fig.1 : Chemical structure of Quercetin Some diagnostic techniques were produced for investigation of quercetin by spectrophotometric (8-10), HPLC (11-13), HPTLC (14-16), electrochemical identification (17). Disregarding its wide practical significance, a quick and proficient technique forits distinguishing proof and evaluation is essential. As far as we could possibly know, there is no distributed strategy for the assurance of quercetin in Camellia sinensis extricates with propyl paraben as interior norm. The point of the current examination was to build up a fast, conservative, exact and precise turned around stage HPLC technique for measuring quercetin in fluid and alcoholic concentrates of Camellia sinensis. Materials and Methods Acetonitrile (HPLC grade, MERCK), Water (HPLC grade, Thomas Baker) and orthophosphoric corrosive (HPLC grade), Quercetin and Propyl paraben are secured from neighborhood systematic research facilities. Instrumentation and chromatographic conditions HPLC is a chromatographic method used to isolate a blend of mixes in investigative science and natural chemistry to distinguish, measuring sanitizing the individual segments of the blend. The framework comprised of UFLC-Shimadzu make LC-20AD with PDA locator. The information acquisitionwas performed by LC arrangements programming. The chromatographic partition was accomplished on Phenomenax-C18 section (250 Ãâ€"4.6mm, 5î ¼m) segment. The elution was isocratic with versatile period of 0.1% orthophosphoric corrosive in water and acetonitrile (60:40, v/v). The stream rate was 1.0 mL/min and yielded a backpressure of around 57 bar. The section temperature was kept up at 40 °C, the recognition was observed at a frequency of 262 nm and infusion volume was 10  µL. UFLC is appropriate for partition of Quercetin with propyl paraben as interior norm. The chromatographic conditions are appeared in Table 1. Table 1: The chromatographic states of the created technique Plant material (Camellia sinensis) Dried leaves of Camellia sinensis i.e Green tea are gathered from Doddabetta Tea Factory, Ooty, Tamilnadu and distinguished by Dr. K. Mruthunjaya, Asst. Teacher, Department of Pharmacognosy, JSSCP, Mysore. The acquired leaves were utilized for the planning of alcoholic and watery concentrate. Extraction Methodology: Alcoholic Extract of Camellia sinensis Alcoholic concentrate was set up by hot reflux extraction technique on a water shower temperature kept up at 78 °C for 2 hours. The dried coarsely powdered leaves of Camellia sinensis (550g) were extricated in 3 bunches (150g each). The acquired concentrate was separated and dissolvable was refined out up to required fixation and joined concentrate was splash dried to get alcoholic concentrate of Camellia sinensis and put away in a dessicator. Fluid Extract of Camellia sinensis Fluid concentrate was set up by hot reflux extraction technique on a water shower temperature kept up at 80 °C for 2 hours. The dried coarsely powdered leaves of Camellia sinensis (550g) were removed in 3 bunches (150g each). The acquired concentrate was separated and dissolvable was refined out up to required fixation and consolidated concentrate was shower dried to get watery concentrate of Camellia sinensis and put away in a dessicator. Drying of Extract: Arranged concentrates were dried utilizing Spray dryer. Parameters kept up for Spray drying are Inlet temperature kept up at 70-80 °C, Outlet temperature kept up at 50-60 °C, desire rate 1200 rpm for each min, feed siphon 2ml per min separately. Arrangement OF SOLUTIONS Arrangement of portable stage The substance of the portable stage was set up from Acetonitrile, separated and degassed blend of and water and orthophosphoric corrosive in the proportion of 60:40 v/v. Arrangement of standard arrangements Around 10 mg of unadulterated guidelines of Quercetin and Propyl paraben were precisely gauged and broken up independently in two 10 mL standard carafe and disintegrated in methanol to get standard stock arrangements of centralization of 1 mg/mL (1000  µg/mL). From the readied stock arrangement a halfway stock arrangement was readied which contains 100  µg/mL of Quercetin. From this middle of the road stock arrangement sequential weakenings were made to get last convergences of the arrangements in the scope of 1, 5, 10, 15, 20 and 25  µg/mL of Quercetin. Propyl paraben arrangement was made to a convergence of 25â µg/mL and utilized as an inside standard all through the strategy. Arrangement of Camellia sinensis removes test arrangements 100 mg of concentrate test was gauged and moved in to 10ml volumetric carafe and disintegrated in a blend of 5ml of 6M HCl and 5ml of portable stage and sonicated for 15min. The acquired arrangement was separated through a 0.45  µ pore size channel into a HPLC vial and stacked to the instrument. Strategy improvement and enhancement The chromatographic conditions were advanced by changing the versatile stage structures; support utilized in the portable stage segment stationaryphase and natural dissolvable. At last a blend of 0.1% orthophosphoric corrosive in water, acetonitrile and C18 segment were utilized. A commonplace chromatogram acquired by utilizing the previously mentioned versatile stage and segment are appeared in fig. 2 of clear chromatogram and standard medication quercetin chromatogram is delineated in Fig. 3. Technique approval At the point when a strategy has been improved it must be validatedbefore placed into viable use. By following the ICH guidelinesfor scientific strategy approval e Q2 (R1), the framework reasonableness Test was performed and the approval attributes elinearity, exactness, accuracy, particularity, cutoff points of detectionand quantitation were tended to. Readiness of adjustment bend Aliquots of quercetin (containing 10-250  µg/ml) were pipetted into arrangement of 10ml volumetric jar from 100â µg/ml of stock arrangement followed by expansion of propyl paraben containing 250â µg/ml and made up to 10ml with HPLC grade methanol to get the last groupings of 1, 5, 10, 15, 20 and 25  µg/ml of quercetin and 25â µg/ml of propyl paraben arrangements were readied. The reactions were estimated at 262 nm. The adjustment bend was set up by plotting the pinnacle regions of Quercetin versus their fixations. Measure Procedure The section was equilibrated for at any rate 30 min, with the versatile stage moving through the framework with a stream pace of 1ml/min. Identifier was set at a frequency of 262 nm. Two arrangements of the example arrangements were readied containing fluid and ethanolic extricates with portable stage blend. The maintenance time of Quercetin and Propyl paraben in mass medication in two repeat tests were seen as 3.3 and 5.6 mins. The pinnacle region of the Quercetin in test was acquired and the relapse condition of the medication focus over the pinnacle territories was determined. The RP-HPLC strategy was utilized to evaluate the measure of Quercetin in fluid, ethanolic concentrates of Camellia sinensis. The average chromatograms of alcoholic and watery concentrates are appeared in fig. 4 and 5 separately. It is discovered that heavy drinker and fluid concentrate contains 7.35  µg and 4.31  µg per 100 grams of the concentrate separately. Framework appropriateness The framework appropriateness test guarantees the legitimacy of the analyticalprocedure just as affirms the goals betweendifferent pinnacles of intrigue. An information from six infusions ofstandard arrangements were used for computing framework reasonableness parameters like %RSD (0.19), following element (1.2), hypothetical plates (10728) and goals (7.8). Linearity and range To evaluate the linearity, alignment plots of quercetin in every weakening were developed in the focus run 1-25â µg/mL the relationship coefficients of quercetin was 0.9998 separately. Exactness and accuracy The exactness and accuracy of the created technique was assessed and results are communicated as percent recuperations 99.3 - 101.7%. The exactness investigation of intra-day and interday relative standard deviation was under 2%,

101 Rhetoric Review and Self-Segregation Professor Ramos Blog

101 Rhetoric Review and Self-Segregation Talk Review Talk Review In little gatherings structure and shading a banner with your clarification, definition, and models forâ your term. Talk Ethos Logos Feeling Contention/Persuasion Paradox Why America is Self-Segregating danah boyd In little gatherings, spread your area and make sense of the primary concerns, models, takeaways, need to knows. Introduction 219 Privatizing the Military 221 A Self-Segregated Life 223 Decent variety is Hard 225 You will have six minutes to make sense of the primary concerns. Pick a copyist, and a moderator. Review the focuses on the board. The moderator will have 2 minutes to clarify the primary concerns.

25 Funn? W??? to Say No (That Are Effective and Respectful)

25 Funn? W??? to Say No (That Are Effective and Respectful) Lif? is r??ll? ???l. W? g? ?ut ?f ?ur w??? t? h?l? others, ??m?tim??, ??m?l?t? ?tr?ng?r?.W? do things f?r others th?t we r??ll? d?n’t w?nt t?.Wh??Ju?t cause w? are nice!“H?? John, could you help m? watch my d?g!”(Th?t w??n’t r??ll? a ?u??ti?n, more lik? J?hn watch m? dog). John hates dogs but b???u?? h?’? r??ll? a ni?? guy, ?nd she’s a really pretty l?d?, John ???? “Sur?”, wh?n wh?t h? r??ll? wanted t? ??? w?? “h?ll no”.W? ?r? in tim?? th?t ?r? b?th blessed and ?ur??d with zilli?n? ?f invit?ti?n? ?nd r??u??t? from friends, family ?nd ?v?n ?tr?ng?r?.H?r? are ??m? other ?x?m?l??: C?n ??u m??t m? for ??ff?? t? h?l? me with my b??k proposal? Will ??u bring a snack t? th? 8th grade ??rt? ?n December 19th? Are you ??ming t? our h?u??w?rming ??rt?? C?n ??u h?l? with m? ??n’? ??ll?g? ???li??ti?n?? D? ??u w?nt to take the kid? t? ??? “Th? Nutcracker” thi? ???r?As mu?h ?? ??u w?uld lik? t? d? ?ll ?f these thing?, you r??ll? ??n’t.When one takes ?n everything th?t ?? m?? his ?r h?r w??, you find th?t ??u start ?t??ing u? late in ?rd?r t? g?t ?v?r?thing done.Th?t might b? good f?r them, but d?finit?l? n?t g??d f?r you and your health.S? Wh? Do W? S?? Y?? So Oft?n When What We R??ll? W?nt T? ??? I? N??P?rt ?f it is that w? ?r? programmed t?. It g??? b??k to our ?hildh??d. Wh?n Mama asked us to d? something, w? were t?ught to ??? ???.L?t?r, our fri?nd? ??k?d us to j?in them, ?nd if ??u w?nt?d t? be lik?d in f?urth gr?d?, you said “?ur?” and r?n t? play ?n th? m?nk?? b?r? with the kids wh? invit?d you.F??t-f?rw?rd fift??n ???r?, and we’re ???ing ??? t? every r??u??t ?t ?ur n?w j?b b???u?? w? w?nt to b? a t??m player, ?ttr??t th? attention of th? boss, ?nd expand our ?kill ??t.S??i?ll?, w? ??? yes b???u?? we d?n’t want t? let people d?wn and ??m?tim?? b???u?? w? feel tr????d. We f??l b?d th?t w?’r? not h?l?ing wh?n P?tt? th? PTA N?zi ???ur?? u? everyone ?l?? i? ?it?hing in th?ir time, m?n??, t?l?nt?, l?b?ur, ?r wh?t?v?r th? ???? m?? b?.We ? l?? ??? ??? b???u?? it’? ???i?r than ???ing n?, and w?’d rather d??l with ?ur n?g?tiv? feelings th?n ?th?r people’s nagging ??mm?nt?, judging ?t?r??, and ????ibl? gossip if w? ??? n? t? th?ir request.S?, are w? d??m?d t? a lif? as ??? m?n or women? I? th?r? a way w? ??n nicely ??? n? with?ut f??ling guilt? ?r g?ining the r??ut?ti?n of “grum?? G?rtrud?” ?r “n?-h?l? Tom”?THR?? W??? TO S?? N? NICELY WITH?UT FEELING GUILT?! Sin?? ???ing No t? ?th?r? i? m??tl? diffi?ult b???u?? of th? guilt th?t ??m?? with it, h?r? ?r? a few w??? to ??? no, whilst m?king sure ??u are n?t f??ling guilt? ?b?ut th? NO ?n?w?r ??u ju?t gave.On? ?ui?k ?x?m?l?, im?gin? ??ur best fri?nd i? in th? h???it?l, ?nd ??u want t? g? vi?it h?r and P?tt? ??ur n?ighb?ur ??k? ??u t? w?t?h h?r d?g for a whil?, ?? ?h? could t?k? a well deserved nap.I don’t think saying NO in thi? situation w?uld ??m? with any f?rm of guilt.In fact, it ?h?uld ??m? with ??m? ?ng?r ?nd ?r?b?bl?, P?tt? w?uld b? the ?n? f??ling gui lty for ?v?n ??king.I. B? Tru? t? Y?ur??lf, Y?ur C?nvi?ti?n?, and Y?ur Priorities. It Elimin?t?? th? GuiltFirst, let’s d??l with the whole guilt thing. We feel guilt? ???ing n? when we d?n’t h?v? a firm gr??? ?n ?ur ?ri?riti?? ?nd ??nvi?ti?n?.Ar? ??u ??mmitt?d to ???nding ?v?ning? with ??ur f?mil??Th?n ??u need to say no wh?n ??k?d t? j?in the ??mmitt?? th?t m??t? ?v?r? Thur?d?? ?v?ning â€" ?????i?ll? ?in?? ??u’r? already g?n? Tuesday ?v?ning? for something ?l??, ?nd ??u ?ft?n h?v? to w?rk l?t? on M?nd???.Ar? you committed t? writing down the three things ??u n??d to do today so th?t ?t th? ?nd ?f th? day you ??n l??k b??k and kn?w that “I ????m?li?h?d wh?t I n??d?d to do”?Then ??u really can’t babysit littl? Timmy ?nd S?ll? even th?ugh th?ir m?m i? in a bind.If you d?, you’ve n?t kept ??ur ?r?mi?? t? yourself. And k???ing promises to yourself i? ??m?thing ??u n??d t? d?. It’? u?u?ll? as im??rt?nt as k???ing th? ?n?? w? make to ?th?r?.Are ??u committed to ??ur n?w ?x ?r?i?? ?nd diet plan?Th?n you n??d t? say n? t? going out with fri?nd? after work b???u?? ??u w?n’t make it t? th? g?m that night.Also, unl??? ??u h?v? the f?rtitud? of a N?v? S??l, ??u’r? going t? eat ??m?thing ??u ?h?uldn’t, or ??u’r? g?ing to sit there f??ling miserable drinking your w?t?r with lime whil? everyone else i? mun?hing on a feast of tapas d?light?.Plus, your ??rt ?f th? tab is g?ing t? b? $30 ?r m?r?, ?nd that doesn’t line u? at ?ll with your goal ?f n?t spending ?? much money on r??t?ur?nt f??d thi? ???r.Wh?n we und?r?t?nd that saying ??? m??n? w? would be ?t?nding on ?l?titud??, but ???ing n? means w?’r? ?t??ing tru? to our priorities ?nd ??nvi?ti?n?, n? b???m?? a lot ???i?r to say, and guilt g??? ?ut the wind?w b???u?? w? r??liz? it’s th? right decision.A? ??m??n? ?n?? ??id, “If ??u’r? ?n g??d t?rm? with yourself, ??u’r? ?n g??d terms with ?th?r?.”That’s ?n? r????n it’s im??rt?nt to ?t?? tru? to your ??nvi?ti?n?; h?w?v?r, there i? a fin? l ine b?tw??n f?ll?wing your convictions ?nd u?ing them ?? an ?x?u?? t? b? ??lf-f??u??d to th? ??int ?f being n? earthly g??d.D?n’t turn down ?v?r? request ?r ????rtunit?.A lot i? g?in?d by ???ing ???. Y?u m??t n?w people, ??u expand your skills, you ?tr?t?h yourself, ?nd ??u giv? your “nice” muscles a g??d w?rk?ut.Al??, if ??m??n? needs h?l?, true help, I think ??u w?nt t? b? th? type ?f ??r??n others kn?w they ??n ??unt ?n.II. S?? No nicely, this w??, ??u w?uldn’t fell ?? guilt?.Think f?r a m?m?nt before giving ??ur ?n?w?r. Y?u n??d to w?igh ??ur ?n?w?r with your ??nvi?ti?n? and ?ri?riti??.Y?u ?l?? d?n’t w?nt to answer so f??t th?t it’? ?bvi?u? th?t n? matter wh?t th? person(s) would ?v?r ??k ??u, ??ur answer would be n?.An?w?ring in a flash will tr?m?l? th?ir ?g? and m?k? it ???m like your n? i? more ?b?ut them ?nd not ?? much ?b?ut th?ir request.While ??u’r? thinking, ??n?id?r your ??nvi?ti?n? and ?ri?riti??, ?nd th?n either ??? ??? or n?.If ??u kn?w wh?t your ?n?w?r i? g?ing to b?, giv? it wh?n ??u’r? asked. D?n’t t?ll them th?t ??u’ll g?t b??k t? them ju?t t? ?ut ?ff saying no.If you’re considering ???ing yes but ??u n??d t? ?h??k ?n ??m?thing fir?t, t?ll th?m th?t ?nd l?t them kn?w wh?n they ??n ?x???t ??ur ?n?w?r.Replying with a firm ?n?w?r within a d?? is the G?ld St?nd?rd.D?n’t wim? out ?nd be v?gu? with your answer t? ?v?id hurting their f??ling?. It raises false h??? f?r th?m, makes you ???m ind??i?iv?, and ?l?w? d?wn th?ir ?r????? of d?t?rmining who is g?ing t? b? h?l?ing.D?n’t ??? thing? th?t ??nd mixed messages lik?, “I b?tt?r n?t, but I want t? b? h?l?ful.”K??? ??ur answers ?h?rt ?nd ?w??t.S??ing n? m?k?? a l?t of us n?rv?u?, ?nd wh?n we’re nervous, w? k??? talking, and talking, ?nd talking. W? ??n’t d? that in thi? ????. It will m?k? it worse.W?’ll dig ?ur own v?rb?l graves ?nd somehow, ??m?w??, w?’ll m?n?g? to ???id?nt?ll? twi?t ?ur n? int? a yes.If ??u ??n give the r??l r????n ??u’r? unable to help (and if it w?n’t hurt th?ir f??ling?), it’? kind t? let them know.Here’s ??ur five-part f?rmul? f?r ???ing n? with?ut th? guilt that ?ll?g?dl? comes with it:St?rt with a ??m?lim?nt if ?n? fit? th? situation.Give your ?n?w?r.Say thank ??u.Encourage th? ??r??n.Ch?ng? th? ?ubj??t or ?x?u?? ??ur??lf (V?r? im??rt?nt).All th? w?? thr?ugh from step ?n? t? fiv? … keep ??ur d?m??n?ur light, and, of ??ur??, smile. A smile says “N? h?rd f??ling?.”A G?n?r?l Example:“Y?u’r? so kind to think ?f m? t? help ?ut with th? fund raising f?r the kid’? ??h??l, Yvonne. Daniel and I ?gr??d th?t w?’r? each only ??mmitting t? ?n? ??tivit? thi? year in ?rd?r to ???nd more tim? with th? kids and ?n our marriage. I’ve already started my new blog. Thank you f?r ??king. I kn?w ??u’ll pull t?g?th?r a gr??t gr?u?. S? h?w ?r? th? kids d?ing th??? d????”H?r?’? ?n Ex?m?l? for When a C?-w?rk?r W?nt? You t? D? S?m?thing:“Y?u w?r? kind t? think ?f me as ??m??n? ??u feel i? a g??d fit to h?l? ??u, Chri?. I’m not able t? now b???u?? th? third ?u?rt?r ?r?j??ti?n reports need my full attention ?nd will for the n?xt f?ur or fiv? days. Th?nk? th?ugh, and I know ??u’ll g?t ?v?r?thing d?n? in g??d ?rd?r. You ?lw??? do. I think w?’r? ?ll f??ling und?r pressure with th? deadlines ?? ?l???.”Here’s an Example f?r Wh?n S?m??n? Drops B? ?nd Y?u’r? Bu?? ?r Ju?t Don’t Want t? Ent?rt?in An??n?:G??d m?nn?r? don’t mean ??u h?v? t? welcome uninvit?d vi?it?r? into ??ur h?m?. Wh?n you g? t? th? door, tr? ???ing something lik?: “H?ll?, K?r?n! I lik? ??ur n??kl???. (Note: Only ??m?lim?nt h?r necklace if ??u trul? like it.) I’m ??rr? I ??n’t invite ??u in n?w. I h?v? ?th?r thing? th?t n??d m? attention. (Note: In thi? ???? the thing th?t n??d? ??ur ?tt?nti?n i? the n?v?l ??u’r? r??ding. You’re ju?t g?tting t? th? ??rt wh?r? ??u find ?ut whi?h of th? twins i? th? “good” ?n? and whi?h ?n? i? the murderer.) If ??u w?nt to giv? me a ??ll t?m?rr?w, we’ll set ??m?thing u?! Th?nk ??u. I really love that n??kl???”H?r?’? ?n Ex?m?l? f?r Wh?n Someone W?nt? Fr?? Advice:“Th?nk? f?r r?m?mb?ring that I’m an ????unt?nt, T?l?r. I d?n’t like to giv? advice outside th? office. I’m in “h?m?” m?d? and might mi??u?t?. I’d b? h???? t? m??t you at m? ?ffi??. H?r?’? m? ??rd. My website h?? m? h?ur?, f???, ?nd a list ?f everything you’ll n??d t? bring with ??u to ?ur first m??ting. Giv? m? a ??ll, and we’ll set u? a tim? that’s convenient f?r ??u.”M?nti?ning that your f??? are ?n your w?b?it? l?t? the person kn?w th?t ??u’r? n?t considering giving fr?? ?dvi??.Th?r?’? m?r? advice for saying no in thi? bl?g ???t: S??ing N? t? Bu?ing Fundraising It?m?.Y?u might notice th?t th?r? are n? ???l?gi?? in any of the ?b?v? ?x?m?l??. Th?t’? because ??u h?v? n? r????n t? ???l?giz?.Y?u didn’t d? ?n?thing wr?ng.III. Wh?t If th? Person W?n’t T?k? ‘No’ f?r ?n An?w?r and tries t? make ??u feel bad?We will ??ll th?m “bullies” b???u?? th?t’? ?x??tl? what th?? are.An??n? wh? d???n’t r?????t ??ur ??? ?r ??ur no to the point wh?r? they thr??t?n, cajole, twist ??ur ?rm, ?r make you f??l guilt? i? a bully.H?r?’? what t? keep in mind and wh?t t? say when someone i? tr?ing t? bully a Yes fr?m y?u:Repeat th? r????n ??u g?v? in th? fir?t ?l??? f?r ???ing n?. Example: “D?ni?l ?nd I ?gr??d th?t w?’r? ?nl? ??mmitting to one ?xtr? activity thi? ???r, ?nd ?ur time i? ?lr??d? ???k?n f?r. I keep m? ?r?mi??? t? m???lf the ??m? w?? I w?uld to ??u. I d? wi?h ??u luck.”Y?u’ll n?ti?? th?t I added the ??rt about k???ing your promises. Th?t ?h?uld throw th?m a v?rb?l fast b?ll that they’re not g?ing to h?v? a pat comeback for.   At thi? point, you can ?ith?r change th? ?ubj??t or ???, “If ??u’ll ?x?u?? m?, Yvonne, I need t? g? g?t….”But if th? r??u??t something you would consider ?t ?n?th?r tim?, t?ll th?m. “A? I ??id, it w?uldn’t b? ????ibl? f?r m? t? give ??u a h?nd for the n?xt f?ur or fiv? d???, but if ??u n??d m ? th?n, I’ll have a f?w h?ur? in th? ?ft?rn??n? th?t I ??n ?ff?r until you’re fini?h?d.”S?m? ?dditi?n?l short ?nd sweet ??mm?nt?:“It wouldn’t b? right f?r me.”“With m? ??h?dul?, I’d b? unreliable, ?nd I w?n’t let myself b? that.”“M? f?mil? w?uld b? disappointed in m? if I t??k ?n another obligation.”“Teach ??ur children/teens t? ??? something ?l?ng th??? lin??: “M? M?m would di? if I did th?t!” ?r “M? parents and I agreed that’s ??m?thing I wouldn’t do”.If you kn?w ?th?r? who might b? th? ??rf??t ??ndid?t? t? do th? f?v?ur ??u’r? h?ving t? decline, ??u ??n mention that.Maybe th?ir children are n?w t? th? ??h??l ?nd th? m?m ?nd dad might ?nj?? meeting ??m? ?f the other ??r?nt?. M??b? th? n?w hir?? would l?v? the chance to ?x??nd th?ir skill ??t?.Or maybe ??u kn?w a mom wh? w?uld lik? to exchange ??m? b?b??itting tim?. If ??, t?ll th??? who are ??king for ??ur h?l? th?t ??u’ll ???? along th? inf?rm?ti?n ?nd h?v? th? others ??nt??t them. (M?k? ?ur? n?t to give ?ut people’s names ?r contact inf?rm?ti?n with?ut ????king t? th?m fir?t.)Y?u might be th? h?rd??t working member ?n th? team, but th?r?’? no need to r?mind ?n??n? about it.Th?t would ??m? off ??unding lik? b???ting ?r ????iv?-?ggr???iv? ??m?l?ining about ?v?r??n? else’s w?rk ?thi?.Just let your yes b? ??? ?nd ??ur n? b? n? wh?n ??k?d t? ?it?h in. And h?l? when you’re ?bl?.Wh?n ??u’r? fini?h?d, ??u’ll be h???? ??u did, b???u?? n? ?n? ??n bring th?t ????i?l spark t? th? ??tivit? lik? you can!If ??u r??ll? w?nt t? ??hi?v? the ‘n?’, here’s how t? do it effectivelyS?? it.  Dont beat ?r?und th? bu?h ?r offer weak ?x?u??? ?r hem ?nd haw. Thi? ?nl? provides ?n ???ning f?r th? ?th?r ??r??n. Dont d?l?? ?r stall ?ith?r. Pr?vid? a bri?f ?x?l?n?ti?n if ??u feel you need t?; however, d?nt feel compelled. Th? l??? ??id the b?tt?r.Be assertive ?nd ??urt??u?.  You might ???, Im ??rr? I ??nt right now but will l?t ??u kn?w when and if I ??n. Thi? approach i? ??lit? , ?nd puts you in a position ?f power b? ?h?nging th? d?n?mi?. Youre t?king ?h?rg?, t?lling people youll let them kn?w wh?n ?nd if you ??n. An?th?r ?x?m?l?, I ???r??i?t? ??ur ??king m? for h?l?, but Im ?tr?t?h?d t?? thin right n?w to devote the time to b? ?f ?u?lit? h?l? t? you.Und?r?t?nd ????l?? t??ti??.  M?n? ????l? ?nd ?rg?niz?ti?n? use manipulation techniques, wh?th?r knowingly ?r n?t. F?r example, think about wh?n ??u g?t a solicitation f?r a donation to a charity and th?r? ?r? forced ??ti?n?: W?uld ??u like t? d?n?t? $10, $20, $30, ?r X ?m?unt? An?th?r tactic: M??t people d?n?t? $20how mu?h w?uld ??u lik? t? d?n?t?? This relies on social ?r???ur?.Set boundaries.  P???l? ??m?tim?? h?v? a h?rd time ???ing no b???u?? th?? havent t?k?n th? time t? ?v?lu?t? their relationships ?nd und?r?t?nd th?ir role within the r?l?ti?n?hi?. When you trul? und?r?t?nd th? d?n?mi? and ??ur r?l?, ??u w?nt f??l ?? w?rri?d about the consequences ?f ???ing n?. Y?ull r??liz? th?t ??ur relationship is so lid ?nd ??n withstand ??ur ???ing n?.Put the ?u??ti?n b??k ?n the ??r??n ??king.  This is highl? effective in a w?rk situation. L?t? ??? a ?u??rvi??r i? ??king you to t?k? ?n ??v?r?l t??k?m?r? th?n you ??n handle. You might ???, Im happy t? d? X, Y, ?nd Z; however, I w?uld need three w??k?, r?th?r th?n tw?, t? d? a g??d job. H?w would ??u lik? me t? ?ri?ritiz? th?m?B? firm.  If ??m??n? cant ?????t ??ur n?, th?n ??u know th? person i? ?r?b?bl? not a tru? fri?nd ?r doesnt r?????t you. Stand firm, ?nd dont feel compelled to giv? in ju?t because that ??r??n i? un??mf?rt?bl?.B? ??lfi?h.  Put ??ur n??d? fir?t. N?t th??? of th? ??r??n asking you f?r ??m?thing. If ??u prioritize th?t ??r??n? n??d? over ??ur?, youll find ??ur productivity will suffer and r???ntm?nt will m?unt. P?rh??? w? can l??rn from W?rr?n Buff?tt, who ??id, Th? difference b?tw??n successful people ?nd very successful ????l? is th?t v?r? ?u?????ful ????l? ??? n? to ?lm??t ?v?r?thing.25 FUNNY W??? T? S?? NO ?ND TH?? ?R? ?F F??TIV? T?? But th?r? ?r? ?t??? t? it. W?’v? already t?lk?d ?b?ut it ?b?v?, but here’s h?w it plays ?ut.St?? One: Prepare ??ur??lf t? ??? “NO.”It i? much easier to ??? no t? an invit?ti?n wh?n we have a concrete r????n for d?ing ??â€"? w?? to justify our r?fu??l beyond th? vague notion th?t w? ?h?uld ?v?id th? ??mmitm?nt in question.This means th?t w? n??d t? ?r??t? th? r????n for saying no b?f?r? we n??d itâ€"w? need a d??i?i?n m?king ?tru?tur?, ?r “rules” t? guid? u? ?? that w? don’t h?v? t? agonize ?v?r every invitation.F?r ?x?m?l?, ?n? rule I have f?r m???lf is th?t I don’t go ?ut m?r? th?n two night? in a giv?n w??k, because I kn?w th?t wh?n I do thi?, I ??n’t meet u? with m? writing d??dlin?? and when I d?n’t m??t u?, I h?v? to apologize ?nd wh?n d? that, I g?t r??ll? ?r?nk?, ?nn???d, ?nd run d?wn.S? if ??m??n? ??k? m? ?b?ut a third evening one week, I have th? structure I n??d to t?ll th?m I’m n?t ?v?il?bl? (but th?nk ??u f?r asking!).St?? Two: S?? ‘NO ’It i? in?r?dibl? h?l?ful t? h?v? go-to w??? t? ju?t ??? n?. I u?? the “I’m ?lr??d? booked” strategy, b???u?? th?t is most ?ft?n th? r????n I can’t d? ??m?thing. H?r? are ??m? ?th?r 25 funn? tactics t? say NOV?gu? but ?ff??tiv?: “Th?nk ??u f?r ??king, but that i?n’t g?ing to work out f?r me.” Thi? i? v?gu?, but v?r? ?ff??tiv?. It m??t ?ft?n leaves th? person ?tunn?d. It? ?ui?t funn?, but only t? you.Firm ?nd d??i?iv? “l?t’? n?t do th?t”: L?t’? n?t d? th?t now. I’m ju?t n?t in th? m??d.It’? not ??r??n?l: “Thank ??u for asking, but I’m n?t d?ing any interviews while I’m writing my b??k.”It? r??ll? n?ting ??r??n?l.A?k me l?t?r: “I want to d? th?t, but I’m n?t ?v?il?bl? until April. Will ??u ??k m? again then?” I am ?ur? I’ll be ?bl? t? ?queeze out tim? f?r you.L?t m? h??k you u?: “I can’t d? it, but I’ll b?t Sh?ll? ??n. I’ll ask h?r f?r you.” Thi? you r??ll? being ni??, especially when ??u are ?r?tt? ?ur? Sh?ll? w?uldn’t b? up for it.K??? trying: “None ?f th??? d?t?? w?rk f?r me, but I w?uld l?v? t? see ??u. S?nd m? some more dates.”Tr? me l??t minut?: “I can’t ?ut anything ?l?? ?n m? ??l?nd?r thi? m?nth, but I’d l?v? t? d? that with ??u ??m?tim?. Will ??u call me right before ??u g? ?g?in?” m??b? I’ll be fr?? th?n. Th?nk? for understandingGr?titud?: “Th?nk ??u ?? much for ??ur enthusiasm and ?u???rt! I’m ??rr? I’m not ?bl? t? help you at thi? tim?.”It? ju?t b?d timing but th?nk you.Give D?d a ?h?n??: “You know, I f??l lik? m?m? ?r? ?lw??? g?tting t? do the holiday ??rti?? at school. Let’s ??k D?d if h? wants t? help this ???r.”No ??n d?: sorry br?, but n? can d?. M??b? wh?n I’m l??? bu??.5-minut? favour: “I can’t ????k at ??ur ?v?nt, but I will help ??u ?r?m?t? it on m? bl?g.”Just N?: “Th?nk?, I’ll have t? ???? ?n th?t.” (Say it, then ?hut up.)Gr??i?u?: “I r??ll? appreciate you ??king me, but m? tim? is ?lr??d? committed.”I’m S?rr?: “I wish I could, but it†™s just n?t g?ing to w?rk right now.”It’s S?m??n? El??’? Decision: “I ?r?mi??d m? ????h (th?r??i?t, hu?b?nd, etc.) I w?uldn’t t?k? ?n ?n? more projects right n?w. I’m working on creating more balance in m? lif?.” I know ??u und?r?t?nd wh?t I m??n. Gl?d ??u und?r?t?ndM? F?mil? i? th? R????n: “Th?nk? ?? mu?h for th? invit?, th?t’? th? d?? ?f my ??n’? ?????r g?m?, ?nd I n?v?r miss th???.” M??b? n?xt tim?.I Kn?w Someone El??: “I just don’t h?v? tim? right now. Let m? recommend someone wh? m?? b? able to h?l? you.”I’m Already Booked: “I ???r??i?t? ??u thinking of m?, but I’m afraid I’m ?lr??d? b??k?d th?t d??.”S?tting Boundaries: “Let m? t?ll you what I ??n d?…” Then limit the ??mmitm?nt to wh?t will be ??mf?rt?bl? for you.Not N?, But Not Y??: my ?ll tim? favourite. “L?t m? think ?b?ut it, ?nd I’ll g?t b??k t? ??u.Say n?thing: “N?t all r??u??t? r??uir? ?n ?n?w?r. It feels rud? t? ign?r? a r??u??t, but sometimes it’? th? best w?? f?r eve ryone to ??v? f??? and time.” Ex?m?l?, “h?? J?hn, h??? ??u w?uld ?tt?nd my ??rt? tonight”. J?hn: *l?ugh?* and ???? noting.Let it all h?ng ?ut: “R???ntl? my daughter g?t injur?d in g?m class. It was a week ?f vi?it? t? th? ER, the ??n?u??i?n ?lini?, specialists, ?t?. I ??nt m?k? it t? your ??rt? but ill b? gl?d if ??u ??m? h?ng ?t the h???it?l with m?”. I’m pretty ?ur? th?? are g?ing t? m?k? u? excuses as ?t to wh? th?? ??n n?t. Th?? w?uld also r??u??t less fr?m ??u.I’m “maxed ?ut”: “W? n??d a ‘??f?t? word’ for ???ing n?â€"?n ???? way t? t?ll ????l? th?t w? ??n’t ?r won’t d? the thing they ?r? r??u??ting, but th?t it’? n?t personal. Just say you ?r? m?x?d out and ?ll?w them g?t th? gi?t.Wh?, H?v?n? NO: this way should b? funn? too. I’m sure the ??r??n didn’t ??? it ??ming. In f??t, it w?uld ??m? ?? a ?h??k, th?? w?uldn’t ask ?g?in.I can’t ?n? more, I h?d m? ?tu?idit? ?m?ut?t?d l??t w??k: this could ??m? off ?? rude but still a bit funny t? you an yways. Ju?t ??u.St?? 3: Don’t look b??kPlenty ?f research ?ugg??t? th?t when we m?k? a decision in a w?? that ?ll?w? us to ?h?ng? our mind? l?t?r, we t?nd to be a l?t l??? happy with th? decisions th?t w? m?k?.S? ?n?? we d??lin? an invitation, w? n??d t? make ?n ?ff?rt to focus ?n th? good th?t will ??m? fr?m ???ing n?, n?t th? regret ?r guilt w? feel about turning d?wn an ?ff?r.Perhaps w? will b? better rested because w? didn’t g? to a party, ?r w?’ll f??l less resentful because we l?t ??m??n? ?l?? h?l? out.M??b? saying no to one thing frees u? tim? f?r another (more j??ful) activity. Whatever th? ???? m?? be, f??u? on the ???itiv? outcome ?f ??ur effort t? giv? g??d n?.Because th?t i? what ?ll thi? ???ing n? i? really about: All?wing ?ur??lv?? t? really ?nj?? wh?t we ?r? doing in th? moment, wh?t?v?r th?t might be.S?M? ?R??TI??L ?X?M?L?? ?F HOW ?ND WH? IT IS IM??RT?NT T? ??? NOa) S??ing N? f?r th? Sake ?f Your W?ll?tR??u??t: A fri?nd in need asks f?r a Trump-worthy loan.Wh?t you ?h?uld say: I wi?h I ??uld, but as a rul?, I d?nt l?nd m?n?? t? fri?nd?.Wh? it w?rk?: Its ?l??r th?t ??u are n?t ?ingling ?ut thi? ??r??n ?? untru?tw?rth?.Wh? ??u ?h?uldnt f??l guilt?: Lending ?n? amount ?f m?n?? can ??u?? ?r?bl?m?, says communications tr?in?r D?n G?b?r. It can change the n?tur? ?f your r?l?ti?n?hi? if the person d???nt ??? ??u b??k.H?w t? ?v?id th? ?itu?ti?n in th? futur?: N?v?r l?nd m?n?? t? fri?nd? ?nd ??u w?nt g?t a reputation as a w?lking, br??thing ATM.R??u??t: A ??-w?rk?r w?nt? ??u t? ?hi? in $25 for a gift for a colleague ??u w?uldnt r???gniz? at the w?t?r ???l?r.Wh?t ??u ?h?uld ???: Oh, Iv? n?v?r r??ll? h?d a conversation with S?m. I think Ill just wi?h him a h???? birthd?? in person.Why it works: Ch?n??? ?r?, th? ??r??n t?king d?n?ti?n? h?? n? id?? how close ??u are (?r ?r? n?t) with the intended r??i?i?nt. B? clarifying th? n?tur? ?f ??ur r?l?ti?n?hi???nd emphasizing your int?nti?n to get t? know th? person b?tt?r???u ??m? ??r??? ?? th?ughtful r?th?r than ?h???.Wh? you ?h?uldnt f??l guilty: A gift isnt a gift if it? ?n ?blig?ti?n, ??? ?ti?u?tt? writers Kim Izz? ?nd C?ri M?r?h.How t? ?v?id the situation in th? futur?: If workplace gift giving i? getting ?ut of hand, t?k? th? lead in r??t?ring sanity b? circulating a ??rd before someone can break ?ut th? gift-d?n?ti?n ?l?t?. M?k? ?ur? others kn?w you d?nt expect ?n?thing on ??ur birthday.R??u??t: Y?ur third ??u?in asks to bring h?r boyfriend-of-the-month to ??ur $150-a-plate w?dding r????ti?n.Wh?t you should ???: W?v? ?lr??d? h?d t? make ?? many t?ugh d??i?i?n? to g?t th? gu??t li?t down t? size. We r??ll? cant squeeze in/?ff?rd another gu??t. But I w?uld love to h?v? ??u two ?v?r for drink? sometime ?? I ??n m??t him.Wh? it works: If ??u illuminate ??m? ?f your b?hind-th?-???n?? planning, your ??u?in m?? g?t a ?lu? ?b?ut th? in???r??ri?t?n??? of the r??u??t.Wh? ??u ?h?uldnt f??l guilt?: Its ??ur ??rt? and ??ur ???k?tb??k, says ?uth?r P?tti Br?itm?n.How t? avoid th? ?itu?ti?n in th? futur?: M?k? a f?w calls b?f?r? ??u put together the guest li?t t? see if th?r? ?r? n?w ?dditi?n? ??u should ??n?id?r as ??u ?l?n.b) Saying No f?r the S?k? ?f Y?ur TimeR??u??t: You ?r? ?ff?r?d a promotion th?t you d?nt want. Even th?ugh it m??n? more m?n??, it d?m?nd? m?r? h?ur? ?nd more ?f wh?t your boss ??ll? responsibility and you ??ll t?dium.What you ?h?uld say: Im fl?tt?r?d th?t you w?nt me, but f?r personal reasons Im n?t in a ?itu?ti?n where I ??n t?k? this ?n. P?rh??? in a ???r fr?m now thing? will be diff?r?nt. C?n we t?lk ?g?in if my circumstances change?Wh? it works: If youre ??ught in thi? enviable dil?mm?, your boss will und?r?t?nd ??u have ??r??n?l priorities that take precedence.Wh? ??u ?h?uldnt f??l guilt?: B? ???ing no to m?r? tim? ?t the office, ??ur? ???ing ??? t? ?th?r thing? ??u ?h?ri?h, b? th?? l?ng w?lk? ?l?n? ?t ?un??t or evening time with ??ur ?hildr?n.H?w t? ?v?id th? ?itu?ti?n in the future: If a ???iti?n ???n? up ?t ??ur w?rk?l???, ??u ??uld l?t it be kn?wn th?t you are n?t in the running, Breitman ?ugg??t?. B?ing forthright ??v?? your m?n?g?r the trouble ?f ?ur?uing a ??ndid?t? wh? i?nt int?r??t?d.Request: You ?r? ??k?d to ???rdin?t? th? b?k? sale?again?at your ?hild? school.Wh?t you ?h?uld ???: I know Im g?ing to disappoint you, but Iv? d??id?d n?t t? volunteer this ???r, b???u?? I f??r Ill end u? f??ling resentful. I? there any w?? to g?t some ?f th? ?th?r parents t? step up?Wh? it works: Oft?n ????l? f??l manipulated into d?ing ??m?thing (Th? i?? ?r??m social ju?t w?nt h????n with?ut your h?l?!). If ??u ??n ?ddr??? th? problematic ??tt?rn ?f ?n? ??r??n? doing ?ll th? work, ??u ?id??t?? th? manipulation. And if ??u ??? n?, it might f?r?? ?th?r? (wh? n?v?r g?t asked) to ??? ???.Wh? you ?h?uldnt feel guilty: Youve done your fair ?h?r?, and n?w ?th?r? ??n do thi? j?b, says R?bin??n.H?w t? ?v?id the situation in the futur?: En??ur?g? school l??d?r? t? ?r???nt th? problem t? ?ll th? ??r?nt?, ???? Robinson. If people kn?w an im??rt ?nt program m?? f?il, theyll u?u?ll? remedy the situation.R??u??t: Y?ur? invited to a distant r?l?tiv?? ?nnu?l L?b?t?r Lu?u?f?r the 14th ???r in a row.Wh?t you ?h?uld say: Iv? really h?d fun in the ???t, but I ??nt make it this year. Th?t w??k i? ?lr??d? ???k?d f?r m?.Why it works: Y?uv? ?x?l?in?d it in a w?? that d???nt sound lik? a ??r??n?l r?j??ti?n, ???? R?bin??n. And ??uv? ??k?d f?r und?r?t?nding, based ?n ??ur n??d t? t?k? ?tr??? out of your ??h?dul?. Ev?r??n? ??n id?ntif? with th?t.Wh? ??u ?h?uldnt f??l guilt?: You h?v? only ?? mu?h free tim???nd ?? mu?h t?l?r?n?? f?r fl?ing lobster g??. D?nt R.S.V.P. ???, then b??k out at the l??t minut? ?r, w?r??, not ?h?w up at ?ll, ??? Izz? ?nd M?r?h. That i? th? l???t d???r?u? way of handling th? invit?.H?w t? ?v?id the situation in the futur?: In a n?t?, th?nk th? r?l?tiv? f?r thinking ?f ??u ?nd explain that b???u?? ??u t?nd t? be bu?? ?t this tim? of ???r, h? ?h?uld f??l fr?? t? t?k? ??u ?ff hi? invit? list.R??u??t: Y?ur b??? asks ??u t? supervise thi? ?????n? int?rn?l??t ???n with her feet u? on a desk, iP?d ?n, Gameboy in h?nd.What ??u ?h?uld ???: Wow, th?t? an interesting ?r?j??t. Im r??ll? busy with the ABC ???ignm?nt right now, so l?t m? kn?w if ??u want m? to r?-?ri?ritiz?.Wh? it w?rk?: A?king ??ur b??? t? ?ri?ritiz? t??k? f?r ??u m??n? you d?nt have t? actually say th? n? word, Breitman ????. If ?h? tells ??u to just squeeze the new task in, then do it. But k??? a list ?f ?ll th? ?xtr? w?rk ??uv? d?n??f?r ??ur n?xt r?vi?w.Why you shouldnt feel guilt?: You r??ll? do h?v? ?n?ugh w?rk to d? ?? it i?.H?w to avoid th? ?itu?ti?n in th? future: If ?xtr? t??k? k??? g?tting dum??d ?n your d??k, ??k your b??? for a m??ting. Ex?l?in that the ?dd?d ???ignm?nt? ?r? m?king it h?rd t? do ??ur ?rim?r? job properly. A?k if she w?nt? t? review ??ur job d???ri?ti?n (?nd r?n?g?ti?t? ??ur ??l?r? whil? ?h?? at it).c) S??ing No f?r th? S?k? ?f Your SanityR??u??t: A friend ??k? t? b?rr?w ??ur ??r (because hers i? in the ?h?? to r???ir th? d?nt ?h? g?t whil? driving, t?lking ?n h?r ??ll phone, ?nd unwr???ing her kids juice-box ?tr?w).What ??u ?h?uld ???: I d?nt l?nd anything worth m?r? th?n $1,000. Tr? to avoid the old I d?nt have insurance for a n?n-f?mil? member excuse?most in?ur?n?? ??li?i?? ??v?r th? ??r, n?t specific driv?r?. (If your friend g?t int? ?n ???id?nt, it ??uld m?k? ??ur premium go u?, though.) If ??u h?v? tim?, offer h?r a ride instead.Why it w?rk?: It ?ut? the blame ?n you, ?x?l?in? ?uth?r P?tti Breitman. Ju?t d?nt indicate you d?nt tru?t the friend.Wh? ??u shouldnt f??l guilty: Y?ur ??r is probably the fir?t ?r second m??t v?lu?bl? thing you ?wn, says Br?itm?n. Y?ur? ?r?t??ting a big fin?n?i?l ????t. Plu?, if ??ur fri?nd were t? get into ?n ???id?nt, ??ur r?l?ti?n?hi? might be t?t?ll?d, too.H?w to avoid th? ?itu?ti?n in the futur?: Let ??ur friends kn?w th?t while youre typically a generous lender (Of ??ur?? ??u can borrow m? ?n?rk?lling g??r!), ??ur ??r is ?ff-limit?.R??u??t: A guest ?ff ?r? t? bring h?r seven-layer di? to your ??rt?. It doesn’t really g? with th? Gr??k th?m? you h?v? ?l?nn?d.Wh?t you ?h?uld say: Wh?t a kind ?ff?r?th?nk ??u. I h?v? already ?l?nn?d th? m?nu, but do ??u have any di?t?r? restrictions I ?h?uld kn?w ?b?ut? If ?h?? ju?t ??king t? b? ni?? ?nd in?i?t? ?n bringing ??m?thing, ?ugg??t a bottle ?f wine ?r a loaf ?f br??d.Wh? it works: By ??kn?wl?dging th? g?n?r??it? ?f th? offer, ??u let th?t person kn?w she did all ?h? could. Of course, if th? ??r??n has dietary r??tri?ti?n? th?t m?k? ???king difficult for ??u, relent ?nd let h?r bring a di?h ?h? can ??t.Why you ?h?uldnt f??l guilt?: Th? person is m??t likely ?ff?ring just t? be courteous. B? ???ing no, you giv? h?r li??n?? t? r?l?x ?nd ?nj?? ??ur h???it?lit?.How t? avoid the situation in the futur?: When ??u invit? ????l?, ??k if there i? anything th?? d?n’t ??t, b???u?? you w?nt to make ?ur? your m?nu w?rk? f?r ?v?r??n?. Emphasize the word menu, so ????l? kn?w that ??u h?v? a ?l?n ?r a t heme f?r th? meal (?nd ?? th?? won’t tr? t? u???t it).Request: Y?ur futur? ?i?t?r-in-l?w wants t? throw ??u a ?h?w?r, but ??u don’t w?nt th? fu??.Wh?t you should say: I r??ll? d?nt want a ??rt?, but thank ??u ?? much f?r ?ff?ring. Why dont we ??lurg? ?n a visit to a d?? ??? in?t??d?Wh? it works: Not everyone lik?? a ??rt? in h?r h?n?ur ?r w?nt? to be th? centre ?f ?tt?nti?n with a ????r plate ?f bows ?n h?r head, say etiquette writ?r? Kim Izz? ?nd Ceri M?r?h. Unless ?h? h?? her ?wn agenda, ?h? ?h?uld und?r?t?nd.Wh? you shouldnt f??l guilt?: If ??u d??lin?, you ?r? t?king ?w?? ??m? pleasure fr?m the ????l? wh? ??r? ?b?ut ??u, but it i? your ?????i?n to ?h?ut ?b?ut ?r b? ?ui?t ?b?ut, ??? Izz? ?nd M?r?h.H?w t? ?v?id th? ?itu?ti?n in th? future: Ann?un?? what you w?uld ?r?f?r t? d? instead of a ?h?w?r b?f?r? anyone ?ff?r? t? throw ?n?.